To My Kids,
I know that I speak for your mother in saying that we love you
with all that is inside of us. We had no idea how much you would enrich our
lives, thus we thank God for you daily.
I wanted to write a letter to you. Sure, I realize that the two
of you are so young that you can’t read this yet, but I pray that as you age,
these words can help to guide your life. In the process of writing it, I am
sharing it with the world (or at least the ScreamFree fans) with the hope that
it can help them as well.
As a spouse and a father, I’ve learned a few things. That in
which I have been blessed to learn cannot be contained in one letter, but I
thought I’d write down a few of the really big ones. If you choose to focus on
these things, I think you can have a richer experience with your family.
1. Love Your Spouse
There is a Hebrew proverb that says, “A man that finds a wife finds a good thing.” I believe this holds
true for a woman that finds a husband as well. Spouses should be cherished as
gifts from God. They should be loved. Of course, you will have to define what
“love” really means and then communicate your understanding of it to your
spouse. Trust me—that’ll be helpful.
Your spouse, at times, will upset you and hurt you like no one
else in the world. Strive not to “get even” or “retaliate.” Just love them.
This is the very thing you pledged to do on your wedding day.
With that said, be careful who you choose to marry. Do not search
for someone that can “complete” you. You will never find that person. No one can complete you, for you are
already complete.
Please do not give your spouse a list of “needs” that they must
meet in order to make you happy. Your spouse cannot meet your needs. Do not lay upon your spouse a burden
that they can’t hope to bear.
2. Appreciate the
Individuality of Your Children
As you are blessed with kids, learn quickly to appreciate them as
individuals. Don’t feel threatened when you discover that they are different
from you. They may not have your temperament or sense of adventure. That’s
okay.
Appreciate the differences. Learn to enjoy all the things that
make you different. This will impact their lives more than you know.
3. Learn to Give Time
I hope that by the time you read this letter, you will see that
your father did a pretty good job with this one. Believe me though, it didn’t
come easy. I learned this one the hard way.
You can’t spend every waking moment with your family (nor should
you), but give them the time that they deserve. Don’t shortchange them. Don’t
give them the energy that you have left over from the day. Give them your best.
4. Learn How to Set
Boundaries
As adults you will need to learn how to set proper boundaries.
There are areas around your life that should only be reserved for certain
people. I have described them in times past as the “Circles of Life.”
Think of them as concentric circles around your life. The inner
most circle should be reserved for you and your spouse. No one else should be
able to get in, including your kids. Learn to enjoy that space. The next circle
around your life is perhaps occupied by your children. In this space, you enjoy
your family time or just your one-on-one time with your kids.
The other layers of circles may be reserved for your job, friends
and parents/siblings—in whatever order you choose.
Special Note:
As your parents, there may be times when we try to invade the
circle that you have set for your own family. Know that it comes from an honest
place of love. Nevertheless, please don’t allow it to happen. Calmly—but firmly
inform us of our actions and your desire to chart a new course with those
entrusted to you. We will understand. Your sibling may try to encroach upon a
restricted area as well. Lovingly, follow the same course with them as you did
with us.
5. Laugh
As I write this, I am listening to the two of you in the next
room. You are playing and laughing. You are enjoying yourselves. I pray that
the sense of wonderment, adventure and play that you have will continue to rest
within your souls.
Keep on playing and laughing. Find joy in all that you do. Don’t
take life too seriously.
Just laugh.
With Love,
Dad
