You Must Chill

When Whining Rears it's Ugly Head

2011-02-02T15:56:00.005-05:00

1. What causes you to hit the wall and want to give up?
2. What tools do you have to get yourself back up?
3. How are you able to reconnect with your kids afterward?

First, when dealing with persistent nagging or whining from our kids, we often "hit the wall." We throw up our hands in disgust, utter words of anger, storm out of the room, or give in. So how can you prevent your reaction that leads you to feeling regret? Take the time to calm yourself before you connect with your children. This takes being present with your feelings and having a parenting plan. One plan to have is consequences decided in advance for nagging and whining. This way, what comes out of your mouth is a measured response, not an unkind and unrealistic threat. OK, now that you've hit that wall, are angry with your kids and just as mad at yourself for losing it, how do you get yourself back up? Try a simple healing technique and, tap, using EFT. Tapping with your fingertips on certain points on your body will release the stuck negative emotion in your body and free you of carrying on with that anger and regret. Ever notice how babies soothe themselves with touch? You can too. Last, after a rift is formed, it's often hard to reconnect. This is when you have to put your ego aside, and acknowledge your child as a fellow human. Without superiority, be open to communicate and apologize for your behavior. Don't over explain. A pure and simple, "I'm sorry that I lost control of my emotions," and a hug is perfect. For you I wish peace in your heart and in your home. When you have bumps along the way, you'll learn from them and will do better next time.

Carla C. Hugo offers Key Coaching for Family Harmony and Wellness. She is a Coach U trained coach, EFT Practitioner, Certified ScreamFree Parenting Leader and graduate of the Institute for Integrative Nutrition. Do you believe that Peace on Earth begins at Home? Are you ready to clean up your home life and take your health to the next level? Visit my website and sign up for my newsletter. http://www.getcoached.com. I look forward to making a difference in your life either through my coaching program, free tele classes, cleanse coaching and more. Sign up to stay in touch. Request my free EFT shortcut sheet http://www.blogger.com/carla@getcoached.com

To Help or Not To Help

2011-01-26T11:53:00.004-05:00

Recently, I had the opportunity to “help” my son, Graham. Well, I thought I was being helpful. Now, I’m not so sure. You see, he was leaving for a 3 day school trip to Jekyll Island where he would study marshes, explore the history of the island, and learn to seine. (Seining involves using a dragnet. Yeah, I didn’t know what it was either.) So this was a pretty exciting trip for my 12 year old.

The night before he was to leave, he was bombarded by homework, so that’s where my “helpful” nature stepped in. While he studied away, I took the packing list and headed to his room to get him ready. I about wore that list out, making sure he had all he needed for the trip. After gathering everything together, we worked together, putting everything into the duffel bag. (Of course, he was also checking to make sure I hadn’t given him any uncool outfits.) With everything packed and ready to go, we headed to bed only to rise early for the 6 am loading of the bus. After putting him on the bus, I stood around waiting to wave them off. There were over 200 7th grade kids going on the trip and I quickly noticed that they’d segregated the boys and girls. I spoke to Graham’s teacher, Mrs. Barrett, who’d been assigned (drew the short straw?) to one of the boys’ buses.

“So, Mrs. Barrett, are you riding with the boys?”

“Yep.”

“I’ll be praying for you.” [Chuckle.]

“We’re just hoping they shower every night,” she said.

“Or at least change their underwear,” I responded.

As I was enjoying my joke, I heard my words again… underwear …underwear… underwear.

Oh, my. Oh, no! Yep, you guessed it. It wasn’t on the list, so it didn’t make it in the duffel bag!

I stood there looking up at Graham on the bus and wondered, “Do I have time to go home and get him some underwear?” No. Even if I did, how would I get them to him? Would I walk back on the bus and hand my 7th grade son a bag of underwear? I don’t think so. Then I started wondering, “Does he know he can wash the pair he’s wearing every night? Does he know he can at least turn them inside out? Will he just go commando?”

I felt helpless, which is weird, because I’d been so “helpful.” I waved as the bus pulled away and silently prayed that my son wouldn’t hate me when he made the eventual discovery.

Three days passed with no communication from him. (Not because he hated me but because the kids couldn’t call home.) I picked him up that Friday afternoon, and as soon as we were in the car, I got the answers to my many questions: No, he didn’t know he could wash them. No, he didn’t turn them inside out; they’d gotten wet in the ocean the day they arrived. Yes, he’d gone commando. No, he didn’t hate me. In fact, he showed incredible maturity in the way he handled the entire situation.

I learned something that day. My son may still be my baby, but I don’t need to treat him like one. He’s maturing and he can handle his own responsibilities. Yes, I was trying to be helpful, but I may have robbed him of the opportunity to grow up a little more.

A few days after Graham returned home, I headed to the airport for a quick trip to DC. On the way there, I got a phone call from my 8 year old daughter, Hannah. “Mom, did you pack your underwear?”

Teaching Your Children to Fly

2011-01-25T13:12:00.003-05:00

“The most beautiful sight in the world is a child going confidently down the road of life after you have shown him the way” – Confucius

Confucius had it right – isn’t that what our job as a mom is, getting our kids ready to leave the nest?

I don’t know about you, but I certainly am not interested in accompanying my child at age 19 to his first job, carrying his briefcase for him or dropping off his lunch that he forgot at home. Okay, that is an exaggeration (I hope….but I bet there are some moms who fall into that trap) but at what point do you start truly putting forth that effort to develop independence and self-reliance in your kids? It can start a lot sooner than you think.

Allowing your child to do more for himself is surely one way to let them grow up. Often times we make the mistake of continuing to “do” for your children what they in fact can do for themselves because we want to be nice, or feel it is the right thing to do. Not necessarily true. The best thing you can do for your child is give them realistic expectations to reach for and then encourage them along the way.

Learning to let go of rescuing your child every time they encounter difficulty will allow them to develop skills so that they can thrive without you. That is the ultimate goal we have as parents, we often say we are raising our children…..honestly we are “raising adults”. Everyday you have opportunities where you can allow growth for your child, are you allowing it to happen. You cannot expect your children to become self-reliant and resourceful unless you are nurturing those traits in them and allowing growth.

Here are a few ideas to help your child become self-reliant.

1) Examine what your child can do alone and then take a step back!

I think you would be surprised how many tasks your child can actually accomplish on his own if you just get out of the way! Often times we jump in trying to get it done faster, or better or because we don’t give them the chance to try it. We assume it is beyond them. Maybe it’s time to examine what your child can do on his own, instead of relying on you?

Can your 3 year old make his bed? I bet he can, it may not look like you would want, but ultimately you are allowing him to grow and take pride in a job.

How about making his own lunch, doing laundry or cleaning up after himself in the kitchen?

Everything will depend on your child’s age, maturity and current abilities, but when I work with mom’s who allow this opportunity to become reality in their homes they are AMAZED by what their child can accomplish!

Remember the goal is not to overwhelm your child by one day giving him 10 new tasks, but gradually increasing his role in his own care.

2) Allow your child to problem solve.

Do you jump in when your child finds himself in a pickle?

The next time try stepping back and walking through the process of problem solving with him. If he has forgotten his math book at school and needs it for homework, instead of running him back to school, ask him how else he can solve his problem.

Help him come up with ideas if he comes up blank. Calling another classmate to get the problems could be a possibility or doing his assignment the next day in study period. Allow him to brainstorm to come up with other ideas instead of you just running him back. You will want your child to learn to deal with situations they get themselves into without having to always call mom.

3) Help build organization skills in your child

Do you find yourself always repeating your daily schedule to your child?

Do chores often get forgotten because there is no way for him to realistically remember those tasks?

Do they often misplace items?

Instead of jumping in to help locate these things, ask him what he can do to solve the problem?

If he forgets his chores, ask him what he can come up with in order to remember. If he is constantly asking about the daily schedule, ask him how he could keep track of activities on his own.

Do you have a battle in the morning routine trying to get your child through those daily self-care tasks?

Help your child make a list with those duties that he can refer to. If they are not old enough to read, then draw pictures that they can identify. You will find your child is a lot more capable to remember when they are given some tools or the opportunity to find out what works best for them.

If you take the time to deliberately “step-back” in some areas, you will see your child blossom to become self-directed, responsible and able to problem solve even when you are not around.

How can you allow that to happen today?

I would love to hear your thoughts or ideas on how you will do this in your home. You won’t be sorry!

Susan also writes at The Confident Mom where she loves inspiring moms to make small changes managing their home and family life giving them more time, order and less stress! She is passionate about helping moms become the Calm, Cool and Confident Moms their kids need. She enthusiastically wears the hat of mom, step-mom and foster mom to 4 awesome kids – ages 18, 14, 10 and 14 months; is married to her very own prince charming, loves coffee, cloudy days, and does think the “bluest skies you’ve ever seen are in Seattle. Empowering Moms, Strengthening Families and Embracing God’s Design is her mission and you can find her at her other day job, The Confident Mom, stop by and get a copy of her FREE ebook, “Getting Kids to Cooperate and Become Team Players.”

ScreamFree Marriage

2011-01-25T13:02:00.003-05:00

ScreamFree Marrigae will be released on Feb.1! Have you ordered your copy yet?

Calming Down, Growing Up, and Getting Closer

Through the best-selling ScreamFree Parenting, Hal Runkel showed thousands of parents how keeping their cool can revolutionize their family life. In his groundbreaking new book, ScreamFree Marriage, Runkel now shows couples how learning to stay calm, in the face of common marital conflicts, is the key to creating and enjoying a deep, lifelong connection. Every committed couple strives to hold on to the marriage they envisioned back when they first said "I do"--before the end of the honeymoon phase, before kids, mortgages, health crises, and all life's inescapable issues. But the truth is this: conflict is unavoidable--it's impossible for two people to see every single thing, face every issue, and experience every situation in exactly the same way. What results are couples "screaming" at each other--sometimes literally yelling out loud, sometimes shutting themselves down and shutting their partners out, and sometimes avoiding the issue altogether--none of which leads to the passionate, intimate connection we all crave. In ScreamFree Marriage, Hal introduces some radical new concepts about marriage, teaching couples how to embrace this inevitable conflict as a profound vehicle for strengthening a marriage. Rather than just a source of pain and disagreement, these "Fires of Commitment," as Hal describes them, can actually be the exact experience needed to grow couples into new levels of maturity and intimacy. By simply learning the ScreamFree formula of Calming Down, Growing Up, and Getting Closer, you too can cross through these fires and end up with a closer and more passionate marriage than ever before. Using accessible anecdotes and the disarming humor that readers have come to love, Runkel disproves prevailing marital wisdom, puts couples on a path to "intimate independence" and reveals a whole new, fresh approach to marriage.

Work With What You've Got

2011-01-02T09:43:00.000-05:00

It's amazing what a good hairstylist can do for you.

Disclosure: I am 38 years old and I've never had a regular hairstylist. Never. I've migrated hither and yon in search of The One who could turn my baby fine thin locks into a Jennifer Aniston-like mane. I've given it the old college try with Supercuts and I've given Hal a heart attack with a Buckhead Salon. And each time, I've walked away feeling "less-than".

"Less-than" is a feeling that I've struggled with my whole life - and not just in the hair department. I am not sure why, but ever since I can remember, I have fought to silence a little voice inside that tells me that I'm not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, wealthy enough, kind enough, mature enough...well, you get the point. It tells me that I am less-than I should be.

It's an evil little fault finding voice for a number of reasons, mainly because it stops me from really enjoying what's right under my nose. What really gets me is that if I feed that voice instead of silence it, it begins to tell me that my family is "less-than" as well.

If I'm not careful, I end up comparing my children and their accomplishments, behaviors, looks and personalities with their friends instead of enjoying the brilliant people they are becoming. What a waste!

So, what does this have to do with my hair issues? Everything.

The veil was lifted from my eyes two days ago. I visited Eve. I'd been to her a few times before with high hopes and "so-so" results. I told her what I wanted and even showed her pictures - long flowing hair that made me look glamorous. Eve took one look at the pictures and one look at my hair and uttered the words that I've been repeating nonstop ever since. "You're going to be unhappy as long as you keep fighting what you've got. And I don't know why you're fighting it because it's great. Why not work with it instead?"

So, together we found an adorable short-ish layered spunky cut that actually accentuates my hair and face instead of struggles against it. I. LOVE. IT.

And I've decided that her fateful words to me will be my motto for 2011. I can apply that thought to everything around me: my body, my kids, my relationships, my bank account, my house, my job - you name it - it fits. I already feel lighter and I haven't heard that little voice in 48 hours now. I'm sure I will hear it again, but next time when I do, I won't let it get to me. I'll treat it like an angry, whining tweenager and I'll know that it doesn't really mean what it says - it just doesn't really know how to express itself in a mature way. And it usually will quiet down with a little TLC and a lot of patience.

Happy New Year to all - may this year be your most ScreamFree yet.

Whose Grades Are They Anyway?

2010-11-10T10:58:00.002-05:00

My daughter is really struggling with her grades and honestly so am I. I understand that I am part of the problem because I am having trouble controlling my anxiety with her grades. Can you give me some suggestions of structures or processes that I can put in place that will not only help her, but help me stay calm during the process?
— Jill F.

Hal : We get this one a lot…well, at least this subject. OK, here’s the thing. You are not responsible for your daughter’s grades…I know for me I’ve got to breath that truth in. So, if that’s true, you have to take a step back and identify what are the actions that you have been taking that you actually feel responsible for? Are you harping on it? Are you talking about it every day? Are you having parent-teacher conferences without your kid in the room? Which, by the way, is mind-boggling that this happens. So, the parent feels responsible for getting the kid to get good grades and the teacher who feels responsible for getting the student to get good grades and getting together to discuss this…even though the only person that actually is in control of getting good grades is not even in the room. That is just not going to be productive.

Try this. "Whether you get good grades is up to you. Is there anything that I could be doing that could help you do better?" Get feedback from your kid. Ask her. Don’t be afraid of what she might say. She might say, "Yeah, you could get off my back." "Really. Tell me more about that." "Well, you’re harping on it all day. It’s all you’re ever talking about. You’re freaking out all the time." Then, you just have to resist the temptation to say, "Well, I’m just doing the best that I can. My parents didn’t…". You would tune yourself out if you were listening to that. Of course she’s going to tune you out. Don’t turn it into a lecture. Continue to ask questions.

Because…you’ve got to ask yourself a tough question. "Do I want her to discover her own unique way of learning and take control of her own grades or do I just want her to vindicate that I’ve been right the whole time?" I see parent after parent after parent who just wants to be proven right…rather than leading them down a better path. What are my responsibilities to my children? Do I set up a helpful schedule? Do I restrict TV time enough? We do it a little differently in my household. I tell my kids, "Hey, the TV is coming on at 5." "What?" "The TV is coming on at 5." "What about now?" "No." "Well, what should I do now?" "I don’t know…go outside, play, read a book, do your homework…that’s up to YOU." They are like "Huh?" That’s just so different than "The TV is not coming on until you do your homework." They need to now start thinking about managing their own time. "Oh , by the way, the TV is going off at 6." They begin to figure out, "Dad’s actually encouraging me to watch TV? How bizarre. Hmmm. Maybe now would be a good time do my homework."

My job is to provide encouragement, structure, supplies, whatever help they may need…but that may not come from me. If they ask for help, I say "who else in your class can you call?" My job is to hand their life back to them and equip them to eventually know what to do with it. And it’s never too late to get started.

Take care, Hal.

Seth Godin is a ScreamFree Parent

2010-10-25T15:07:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I'm not even sure that the dude has kids, but I am 100% convinced that if he does, he is a ScreamFree Parent. Why am I so certain? Because every now and again he writes posts like this.

He's describing how doing the things that are right may be harder in the short term, but they are better and less expensive in the long run. Sure, keeping your cool while your baby screams bloody murder for the third hour in a row is no walk in the park. But doing anything else will cost you (and your child) much more heartache and stress down the road. Same for toddlers, kids, preteens, and even...teenagers.

When you are in the throes of teen angst and you want to throw in the towel, don't. Do what's right, what's best, what's hard - the first time. I promise you will reap the rewards for years to come. If I'm wrong, we can both blame Seth Godin.

The First Shall Be Last

2010-10-13T22:22:00.002-04:00

I have to admit that while I have been thinking and praying about the Chilean miners, I haven't been watching the story 24/7 like much of the world. But on this momentous night when all 33 miners were rescued, this CNN headline grabbed my attention:

"Last miner scheduled to emerge is group's captain."

Luiz Urzua thought that he was leading his crew into the mine for a 12 hour shift. He ended up leading them for 69 days. He was the first into the mine and the last one out. This is an incredible story about true leadership. Too often, kids think that power equates to freedom and leverage. They crave it because they don't feel like they have much say over their lives. And many times, all of that is true. But leadership is different than power. Leadership - servant leadership - is about being the first to go into a dangerous situation and the last one out.

This man kept his team sane and healthy by keeping his cool. Plain and simple. We as teachers and parents could learn a thing or two from Mr. Urzua. Here's hoping that he gets paid all of that overtime that he most certainly deserves.

"I Poo in Blue"

2010-06-09T13:34:00.001-04:00

So this morning, I'm watching television with my kids and preparing myself for the endless barrage of "Wha???? Why???? What are we supposed to do????" comments that are about to come my way when I tell them to turn it off. That's when this commercial comes on the screen.

It was, in the short span of 30 seconds, both hysterical and horrifying. Part of me loves the ridiculous over-the-top nature of the commercial and the product. The funky music, the slow-mo movement of the baby strutting down the street saying the classic line, "Even when I go number two, I look like number one." It is tongue-in-cheek at it's best.

But what I don't like is that beneath all of that irony is a bitter hint of truth. As parents, we do ridiculous things so that our children look, act, sing, play, and learn better than any of their peers. Why can't we just love our kids and want what is truly best for them without having to introduce the cruel concept of competition into their little lives so soon? Why do we tie so much of our own self-worth to the way in which our offspring "perform" for the world?

I am as guilty as the next mom. Despite what I say I believe, I sometimes get caught in the trap of comparing my son's baseball skills or my daughter's emotional intelligence to those surrounding them. I size up their competition and think about what I can do to help them get a leg up. Hey - no judging allowed - I didn't say I was proud of doing it - I just said that I do it.

So, Huggies - I thank you. Now when I compare, manipulate, cajole, or anything of the sort when it comes to my children and how they are perceived by the world (and how that makes me look, of course) I will think of that stupid denim diaper. Because caring more about them getting ahead or being the best - instead of spending my energy on guiding their character, is simply creating a nice stylish package that is full of ..... well, you know.

Calling all Parents of Teens

2010-05-19T12:01:00.001-04:00

So, this week, I was approached by the Partnership for a Drug Free America to be a guest blogger on their site. I will be submitting four articles about "decoding teen behavior" or something along those lines. Basically, they want my take on what makes teens tick and how we can parent them better.

I have taught teens for a number of years and I have a young one of my own, but I'd love to go into this guest blogging thing with a little backup from my peeps. If you have teens or adult children, I need your help.

What from ScreamFree has been helpful to you as you've parented your teens? Have their been some principles that have really made a difference to you? What is the best advice you've heard about teens and drinking or drug use? What kinds of things would you like to see someone in my position address?

I've already written one and I'll share it with you soon. But I know that there is strength in numbers. If you know someone who might have some insight, send them a link to this. Let's see what we can come up with together for the sake of all of our kids.

Tip of the Day: Fear of the Unknown

2010-05-17T21:59:00.001-04:00

I was talking to a woman the other day who had huge bags under her eyes. She was pale and worn thin from a lack of sleep. Her seven month old baby took an hour to be put to sleep, and then he was waking 3-4 times a night. He would only nap if she held him, and even then, only for 20-30 minutes. He cried every time she tried to get him to sleep.

Both mother and child were miserable from this pattern, yet the mother wasn’t sure that she was ready to teach her child to go to sleep on his own. Her reason? “I just don’t know how he’ll react.” Ummm…He’ll probably cry at first, but how is that any worse than what she’s going through now?

If you’re in a pattern with your child that you don’t like, make a decision to stop complaining and do something about it. Do some hard thinking about what your child really needs in the situation, then jump right in. You won’t always do things perfectly, but that’s ok. Kids are resilient. What isn’t good for them is a long suffering parent too afraid to take chances with something new.

Tip of the Day: Too Much of a Good Thing

2010-05-13T22:05:00.000-04:00

Kids will have you believe that they don’t enjoy structure. They will tell you – just as soon as they are able – that they want to sit around and play all day without having to do anything. Don’t believe them, for they know not what they say. As George Bernard Shaw said, "A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell."

Kids (and parents) thrive on structure. Every now and again, a day off in pajamas is a fun treat. But taken too often, this treat will make everyone sick to their stomachs. Kids like to feel a sense of accomplishment every bit as much as adults. Give them chores, set aside time for study, set limits on tv and computer usage. Sure, they’ll gripe at first, but remember – what kids say they want and what they really need are often two very different things.

Flippin Brilliant

2010-05-13T14:38:00.001-04:00

By now, most of you may have already seen the Swagger Wagon video. If you haven't, you must. It's the perfect combination of self-depricating humor and marketing. Love it. I love it so much that I temporarily forgot about all of Toyota's legal and safety issues....for a minute.

No offense to the dad in the video - I'm sure he's a great guy and all - but enough with the hot moms on tv being married to goober guys already. It's just depressing.

Brain Function Related to Stress Levels?

2010-05-13T13:35:00.000-04:00

In prepping for my new adventure this fall (I'll be returning to the classroom full time) I've been doing a little research. There's a new class for juniors and seniors that I'm developing called "Communicating in the Digital Age".

In my studies, I ran across a very interesting article published by the University of California Berkeley. Their research was centered around the connection between poverty and the development of children's brain function. We all know that kids from middle and upper class homes tend to do better in school. There are a variety of reasons for this. What we didn't really know before this study (or at least, what I didn't know before I read this study) was how malleable our kids' brains really are.

The study indicated that the prefrontal cortex (the part responsible for choosing between right and wrong, governing social control, and controlling emotional urges) of lower income students resembled the brain scans of adults who had suffered frontal lobe damage from trauma.

The researchers say that this is likely the result of two things:

1. The lower level of cognitive engagement (fewer books, more television, less time in conversation) in poor homes.

2. The higher level of stress.

It's pretty astonishing to see how environment and biology work together like this. The fact that our kids brains actually change their makeup based on what we do is humbling. I guess the good news is this:

It stands to reason that if we can increase the level of thoughtful engagement (giving them choices, actually seeking to understand where they are coming from, heck - simply talking to them at the dinner table) and decrease the level of stress in our homes, that our children will reap tremendous benefits.

That's pretty cool.

Tip of the Day: What You CAN Do

2010-05-12T22:27:00.000-04:00

Do you ever get paralyzed by the “big picture”? You know, the one that you really cannot control? I know that I do. And when I do, I ignore the smaller things in my day to day habits that I actually can control. Ironically, it’s the smaller things that usually lead to big results.

Samuel Johnson once wrote, "If we attend continually and promptly to the things that we can do, we shall ere long to be surprised to find how little remains that we cannot do."

Today, do yourself and your family a big favor. Start looking for the things that you can do rather than the things that you cannot. In fact, strike those words “I can’t” from your vocabulary. When you start to say them, just close your mouth, take a deep breath, and think of something….ANYTHING…that you can do. Then, by all means, go and do it!

Tip of the Day: Eastern Wisdom

2010-05-12T07:38:00.001-04:00

There's a famous quote attributed to JFK that I've heard isn't quite accurate in its translation. "The Chinese use two brush strokes to write the word 'crisis'. One brush stroke stands for the word danger; the other for opportunity." Any of you out there fluent in Chinese are welcome to set me straight. But until then, I'm sticking to this one. I like it because of what it teaches me about parenting...

When it comes to our children, most of us have a radar that NASA would be envious of. We find trouble even where there is none to be found. It’s the other brush stroke that needs our attention, more often than not.

This is true, not just in our parenting, but in all of life as well. When we are faced with adversity, we should welcome it as a teacher and allow it to strengthen our ScreamFree muscles. Our lives would be more joyful and peace-filled if we could look at stressful times from a this point of view. The next time Timmy brings home that “F” or Suzie throws a fit getting into the car – take a deep breath, smile a true smile, and be thankful for the chance to be the kind of influence that they need.

Death of a Doormat

2010-05-11T13:55:00.000-04:00

I am not one to cause a scene. I am married to one who enjoys causing scenes, and thus I avoid them like the plague. I have been known to drive away from a fast food establishment knowing that my order is wrong just because I don't want to make a fuss. Yeah, I know. It's pathetic. But something is happening to me the older I get... I am growing a backbone. Maybe it's because I don't want my children to feel the same sense of helplessness that I've felt in the past when I've been slighted. maybe it's because I'm somehow older than many of the salespeople I now deal with. Or maybe it's just because I've grown a pair. In any event, it's happening.

In fact, it just happened about 10 minutes ago.

I was at a gas station (the Shell station on Peachtree Industrial and South Old Peachtree to be exact) doing what one does at a gas station. It was the same thing I've done for over 20 years now when I fill up my car.

1. Swipe my credit card

2. Select the cheapest gas I can

3. Put the nozzle in the tank and press down the automatic finger holder thingy

4. Return to my car to clean out the random cracker bits and crumpled up Sunday school crafts left behind from my loving children

After digging under the seats for what felt like an abnormally long time, I glanced at the price gauge to see when I could expect to hear that familiar click - you know, when the finger holder thingy AUTOMATICALLY SHUTS OFF LIKE IT WAS MADE TO DO.

And that's when I saw it. And smelled it. Gas was spewing out of my tank like Old Faithful, creating a huge (expensive) puddle all around me and underneath my car. I immediately grabbed the nozzle, shut off the pump, and surveyed the damage.

My car is supposed to hold 15 gallons of gas. My friends, I had just paid for 20. That's right, 5 gallons of gas at almost $3 a gallon was just sitting on the ground laughing at me.

I cleaned up the side of my car and headed for the driver's seat when a wave of outrage swept over me. Wait a minute!!! That's not my fault. The whole point of an automatic shut off feature is so that it will automatically shut off! So, I marched into the store to talk let them know that they had a serious problem.

All I got from the guy behind the counter was this reply, "Yea. Our pumps sometimes do that. You have to push the nozzle really far in and jiggle them to make sure they are in place."

My reply: "Are you kidding me? That's all you are going to say? Look at the river of gas under my car. I just paid for all of that. If your pumps are "tricky" you should post a sign to that effect - otherwise, how are we supposed to know?"

His response, "I guess you should have just pumped it yourself without using the automatic handle."

And here's when it happened. I really let him have it. I pointed my finger right at the clerk and in front of all of his customers, I said, "YOU need to get some new pumps. And I'm never shopping here again."

I hope that the good Lord can forgive me for that verbal beatdown. And I hope that sometime in the foreseeable future, I stop smelling like gasoline.

Tip of the Day: The Best of You

2010-05-10T22:38:00.001-04:00

When your kids make a mistake - and they will - assume that they want to do better. This is especially true as kids start lying. Try this the next time you suspect that your child is twisting the truth: Look them straight in the eye and tell them...
“I believe you. I know that you are an honest person who tells the truth.” Then walk away. Instead of making the conflict between the two of you, you are allowing them to feel it internally.

As the Reverend Daniel Considine once said, "To get the best out of a man, go to what is best in him." By calling them to the highest parts of themselves, you are guiding them towards their own success while empowering them to actually reach it. This positions you as an ally, a resource for them as they face the ever increasing difficulties of life.

To (Go) Nude or Not To (Go) Nude...

2010-05-10T10:04:00.000-04:00

I just read an interesting article this morning called "El Mirage nudism case raises parenting questions". Apparently, an Arizona woman and her husband are being investigated for living the life "al fresco" around her two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. The best line of the article is this one:
"Arizona's indecent-exposure statute technically applies, but prosecutors had to decide whether they wanted to intervene when it was unclear the boys were traumatized...".

Being the parent of a young teenager myself, I recognize that this is a tricky question to answer. Pretty much anything you do traumatizes your child. Sing along to the radio? Check. Accidentally get an actor's name slightly wrong? Check. Take her to the mall in your tennis skirt? OMG!!! Check! Check! Check!

Look, I'm all for embarrassing my kids in the long standing tradition of the generations before me. It's one of the great joys of having kids in the first place. But a line must be drawn. When your own preferences (even those perfectly within the law) really do disturb your child, it's time to make other arrangements. Our kids are with us for such a relatively short time. Why not do what we can to create an environment where they'll want to come back to visit? Where they feel safe and welcome? Where they know that your main job is not selfishly doing whatever makes you happy at the moment, but rather, doing whatever makes your family healthy in the long run.

Just a thought.

Tip of the Day: Let's Get Ready to Rumble

2010-05-09T21:35:00.006-04:00

While in a fast food restaurant, a friend of mine saw a tyrannical preschooler running away from his mother and knocking food off of other people’s tables. As he screeched past her, she glimpsed his tshirt. It read: “Center of the Universe – and I know it.”

How much better off would we be if instead of these “cute” sayings we plaster on our children, we actually used ones that were helpful – like the one by Edmond Burke. He said, "He who wrestles with us strengthens our nerves and sharpens our skill. Our antagonist is our helper."

The next time your child tests your wit and skill, imagine them wearing Burke’s quote on the front of their shirt. Kids are meant to test us. That’s what they do. They actually make us better adults because they call us to the highest parts of ourselves. If we can see each power struggle and act of defiance as a chance to grow, we will not only make better decisions, but we’ll actually get stronger in the process. As we continue in this practice, things that we once found impossibly heavy will begin to feel like no weight at all.

Tip of the Day: DO Get Carried Away

2010-05-06T22:44:00.007-04:00

As parents, we have the tendency to take life a little too seriously. We allow the urgent things to consume most of our energy and passion while we stuff the important things to the back burner. This struggle is obviously not unique to our generation, but it is unique to the world of adults. Malcom Forbes once said, "A man who never gets carried away should be."

Our kids get it. Life is meant to be lived - not endured. Allow them to teach you a few things today. Follow their lead for just a moment and inject a little fun and levity in your schedule. Do something unexpected – with or without your kids – and give yourself permission to be silly. Get carried away by something – anything – and remember how grand life can really be.

Tip of the Day: Power Play

2010-05-05T23:41:00.000-04:00

"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment."

Marcus Aurelius Antonius (121 AD - 180 AD)

Often it’s the meanings that we attach to events or conversations that cause us the most pain. Think about it: Someone else’s child gets engrossed in conversation and forgets to pick up their plate after dinner. You playfully remind them to do so. What happens when your child does the same thing? Suddenly it MEANS something. They don’t respect you. They are lazy. You haven’t done a proper job in getting them to take responsibility around the house.

If you can extract yourself from this kind of thinking, you can free yourself up to look for the good in your child rather than squint for the bad. You actually give yourself the choice as to whether or not to take something personally. That's why taking just a moment – in the heat of the moment – gives you tremendous power.

A Little Perspective

2010-05-05T21:28:00.000-04:00

My good friends David and Angie Fann lost their home and all of their possessions in the Nashville flood earlier this week.

I see these kinds of natural disasters on television all the time and I feel for the people affected. My heart hurt for those in Haiti. I prayed for those miners in West Virginia. But now that I actually KNOW the people involved in this disaster - everything has changed.

I have been in this home. I have sat at that table. I played that piano. I love these people. And everything they own is just gone.

I look around my house and I cringe at the way that I've taken all of my belongings for granted. How many times have I barked at the kids to pick up their junk? How many times have I lamented about not having just the "right" throw pillows? How often have I complained about "having" to organize my pictures? My sweet friends would give anything to have those problems. And after doing what I can to help them rebuild, I'm going to do the next best thing I can think of - I'm going to take a good long look at the life I lead and I'm going to just be thankful.

Tip of the Day: Choose to Choose

2010-05-04T07:56:00.000-04:00

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose."

Dr. Seuss

Too many times in life, when we are faced with a difficult situation, we tend to think in extremes. We either shut down or we blow up. While this is definitely understandable, it is ultimately weak.

We are much more powerful than that and the people we love deserve better from us. When you are pushed, you have the choice as to how to act. When you are slighted, you have the choice as to how to respond. It’s not easy, but it is better. So, give yourself a chance to choose by pushing the pause button next time instead of simply reacting.

Tip of the Day: How to Be Really Rich

2010-05-02T21:28:00.000-04:00

"The greatest good you can do for another is not just share your riches, but to reveal to him his own."

Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881) British Prime Minister

When we teach our children right from wrong, we are sharing the riches of our wisdom. That kind of teaching should be a vital priority for all parents. But it shouldn’t be the only priority. As parents, we should be looking for the unique qualities that our children seem to exhibit and we should be encouraging those as much as possible.

I think that many parents feel as if “looking for the good” in our children means ignoring the bad things they may do. Quite the contrary. Those things need to be addressed, but they don’t need to dominate your interactions with your child. Spend more time helping them find their own riches and watch them soak up yours as well.

Tip of the Day: A Father's Biggest Job

2010-04-29T22:52:00.000-04:00

"The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother."

Author Unknown

This should go without saying, but the reverse of this is true as well. If you are blessed to have a two parent household, spend at least as much time cultivating that relationship as you do working on your parenting. To a child, there is nothing more comforting than knowing that all is well between mom and dad, so don’t allow your children and your concern for them to dominate your marital relationship.

If you are divorced and find yourself co-parenting, this quote is still just as true. By treating your child’s other parent (regardless of how you feel about them) with respect and love, you are giving your child a true gift. As difficult as it may be, work your hardest to keep that relationship positive so that your child doesn’t have to shoulder your burden as well as their own.

Doing the Hokey Pokey: Life with a Teen

2010-04-29T09:37:00.001-04:00

Have you ever had one of those moments where you wonder, is this really happening? You know, something so strange that you are sure at any minute, you are going to see the Cat in the Hat playing badminton with Hilary Clinton and you'll realize that you are dreaming. I recently had one of those moments....

About a week ago, life around the Runkel household was pretty normal. Brandon was trying out for 5th grade band, Hannah was trying out for 8th grade cheerleader, Hal was trying to finish the book, and I was trying to not go insane. (Two out of four isn't that bad, is it?)

Then we got an email from school.

Our campus was scheduled to host Rwandan president Paul Kagame and his dignitaries. Our school and their government are seeking to build a sister school for the children in Rwanda in an attempt to rebuild the educated class after the 1994 genocide. Hannah was selected as one of the handful of junior high students to serve as a host for this gathering. The students would open doors, greet his entourage with flowers, and provide any assistance if needed. Hannah's favorite part of this? Getting to wear a dress and be out of uniform.

It wasn't until she came home a couple of days later with specific instructions that we realized just how cool this was going to be. Hannah's assignment for the big day was more up close and personal than we had originally thought. She and one 8th grade boy would personally greet the President, show him around the junior high campus, answer his questions, and join his party, the school's board of directors, and other high profile Atlanta community members for a luncheon. Wha??????

My Hannah, (who at one point was too shy to pick up the phone when it rang) greeting a man who runs an entire country? My Hannah, (who didn't want to bat in her softball game because "everyone is looking") rubbing elbows in one day with more powerful people than I've even met in a lifetime? Ok, Hilary... come out, come out wherever you are...

Hannah was remarkably calm and poised about the whole deal. She did her nails and went to bed after spending some time researching Rwanda and talking to me about all of the conflicting things she was reading. I'd like to say that I was able to guide her with my sophisticated understanding of geopolitics, but in reality, we did what we could with google and then we watched Glee.

The big day went off without a hitch. The local news was there and she did a great job with all of her responsibilities. I was able to see some of the visit from afar. She looked so grown up. She and Jackson (her male counterpart) were so composed and confident amidst these giants as they answered questions and went on the tour. Hannah suddenly looked older to me, and more beautiful than I had ever seen. She was more like a young woman I was honored to know than a child I was working hard to raise. I found myself wondering if this was one of those landmark moments that would change her, mature her, propel her forward in life.

When she came home, I got my answer. She kicked off her heels with a groan exclaiming,
"UGH! How do grownups DO this all day?" And within exactly two minutes of arriving, she was out of her dress, into her baggy sweats, and under her snuggie on the couch. She flipped on The Disney Channel and said, "Momma? What's for dinner? I'm starving!"

Life with a teen: One minute, your child is hobnobbing with diplomats and talking about politics and the next, she's laughing hysterically at The Suite Life. Go figure. And sing it with me now, 'You put your left foot in, you put your left foot out...."

I'm so blessed to be able to be along for this ride with her - I guess "that's what it's all about".

Tip of the Day: War Wounds of Motherhood

2010-04-28T21:47:00.000-04:00

"Think of stretch marks as pregnancy service stripes."

Joyce Armor, U.S. television writer

Jenny here. I wouldn't let Hal touch this one... That would just be wrong. The same kind of wrong that happens whenever men say the most ridiculous sentence they could possibly utter... "We're pregnant."

Back to the issue at hand...stretch marks. First there was the Battle of the Bulge, then D(elivery) Day. How could you NOT end up with some war wounds? Your body did an amazing thing and you should be proud of any collateral damage.

Now that you’re on the other side of the border and in the trenches for real, its time to reevaluate how you’re taking care of your equipment. Your bod is the only one you’ll get. Big or small, flab or fab, you’re doing a disservice to everyone around you if you consider it your enemy rather than your friend. Be thankful for the action you’ve seen and I guarantee you'll see the better kind of action in your future.

Tip of the Day: End Game

2010-04-27T22:54:00.000-04:00

ScreamFree Daily Tip

"If your children look up to you, you've made a success of life's biggest job."

Author Unknown

We all want our children to respect us. The difficulty is this: you can’t MAKE someone feel respect towards you. In fact, the more you try to force that respect, the smaller you become in their eyes. And it’s awfully hard to look up to small people.

So, think of this. Who do you look up to and why? I’ll bet that they are people who treated you with respect and through their actions and their integrity earned yours in return. A quiet calm in all of your actions will draw your children towards you and will enable you to access the best parts of yourself. Who won’t respect that?

Tip of the Day: The Letter After Z

2010-04-26T22:29:00.000-04:00

The ScreamFree Tip of the Day:

"My alphabet starts with this letter called ‘yuzz’. It's the letter I use to spell yuzz-a-ma-tuzz. You'll be sort of surprised what there is to be found once you go beyond 'Z' and start poking around!"

- Dr. Seuss (1904-1991)

We live in a culture of instant answers and immediate gratification. Have a question about something? Just jump online and find an expert. Ask your Facebook friends. Tweet your followers. You’ll find many “solutions” to common issues you may be having with your kids.

But the best solutions will come from within you: a place that takes time to develop and it takes patience to mature. So, don’t get frustrated when we won’t tell you exactly what to do in a specific circumstance. The more ScreamFree you become, the more outside the box you are willing to look. Being creative takes work, but the payoff is tremendous. It keeps you from being lazy and taking your relationship with your kids for granted.

Brand Spanking New Study

2010-04-26T09:19:00.000-04:00

This week's Time magazine features an article that bears mention. It's called The Long-Term Effects of Spanking.

Spanking is one of those topics that we get asked about quite often, but we do our best to skirt the issue. Why? It's not because we are unsure of our position or anything of that sort. Rather, it's because the discussion is so rarely productive. Strong proponents of spanking are not usually open to even hearing what science is now saying about the practice. Instead, they shake their heads at what they deem as "permissive parenting" - i.e. anything besides spanking.

So, if you are a hard core spanker and you feel good about doing it. This post isn't for you. I recognize that whatever I say or whatever evidence I present, you will not agree with me. That's your right. But, if you are on the fence about spanking, or if you've done it begrudgingly and thought to yourself - "there has to be something better" - then you might want to keep reading.

The Time article by Alice Park describes the findings from a new study conducted by researchers at Tulane University. The study followed two groups of 5 year olds. One group was spanked twice a month and the other not at all. The findings were remarkable. "The children who had been spanked were more likely than the nonspanked to be defiant, demand immediate satisfaction of their wants and needs, become frustrated easily, have temper tantrums and lash out physically against other people or animals." Just how much "more likely"?

50%

That's 5-0.

I get the urge to spank. Trust me. The appeal is evident. It will generally stop the behavior you are bothered by. Quickly. But at what cost? Look again at the findings of that study. When we spank, we are creating the very outcomes that we are hoping to avoid.

We want our kids to be respectful. Spanking produces defiance.

We want our kids to have self control. Spanking creates a demand for immediate gratification.

We want our kids to be compassionate. Spanking causes frustration and temper tantrums.

Here's the truth. When we give up what we want most (see above) for what we want right now (our kids to behave, feel remorse, shut up) we fail. We have to work hard to remember what it is that we're doing. We are raising the next generation. We owe it to them to teach them right from wrong without resorting to the quick fix of spanking. Discipline is valuable - it is even necessary. But it doesn't have to be done with force. Face it, eventually you'll have to give up spanking anyway. Why not now?

I'd love to hear from you. What methods of discipline work for you? Let's start talking specifics and help each other out.

Tip of the Day: Your Window of Opportunity

2010-04-26T09:04:00.000-04:00

"I was cesarean born. You can't really tell. Although whenever I leave a house, I go out through a window."

Steven Wright, U.S. comedian (1955- )

We are interesting creatures, are we not? We do strange things and if we look closely enough at our past, we can probably gain some insight as to why we do those things. But if we spend too much time trying to figure out the past, we’re missing the whole point. After all, explanations and excuses are two different things.

If you find yourself in a pattern that you don’t like with your spouse or your children, it’s fine to spend some time trying asking yourself why it’s happening. But a better question might be: Is it helpful?

If the answer is no, then take steps to change the pattern. You are in control of you, no matter what happened in your past. Period. Sure, change won’t come easy, but good things never come cheap.

The Dust Has Settled

2010-04-16T11:56:00.000-04:00

Wow. Has it been forever since I last posted or what?? I went all ostrich on this site for a while and buried my writer's brain in the new ScreamFree Marriage book. Well folks, it is finished (at least the first round of editing is) I am happy to report that Hal and I made it through the manuscript with our relationship relatively unscathed. Time to emerge with the coming of spring and get back to the fun stuff...blogging and talking to you.

We've had an eventful month or so with the highlight being our family trip to Washington, D.C. I know that in some of our articles, we say that the term "Family Vacation" is an oxymoron. I would like to go on record as officially changing MY position on that. I think there might be a small window when traveling with your kids might actually be easy and fun.

Theory: Between the ages of 9-13, kids are:
1. self-sufficient enough to feed, clothe, bathe, and amuse themselves.
2. curious about the world and interested in learning.
3. not yet loathing your very presence.

We are in the sweet spot of those years with Hannah and Brandon and we had an absolute ball with them. We stayed with wonderful friends, toured monuments, explored museums, ate loads of ice cream, and laughed until our sides hurt. All in all, it was fantastic. I actually returned from Spring Break refreshed and ready to face the world. And it's a good thing that I did, too, because awaiting me in the front yard when we pulled into it was an enormous sink hole from our septic tank. Mmmm, mmmmm, good.

Rube Goldberg Parenting

2010-03-03T13:46:00.000-05:00

I ran across this video by OK GO and it made me realize that this kind of "Rube Goldberg" experiment is a lot like parenting. How so? Let me count the ways...

1. Parenting is a series of simple tasks that we manage to make much more complicated than we need to.
2. One small action can have an enormous impact on our environment.
3. It is always EXTREMELY messy.
4. Many valuable items are destroyed in the process.
5. Despite all of the above things...It sure can be alot of fun.

But in a Rube Goldberg experiment like the ones the OK GO guys have set up, everything has to go just right in order for it to work. And that, thank goodness, is where the similarity ends. Parenting is about relationship, not destination. It is constantly learning and growing alongside your child so that when mistakes happen...and they do happen...you can respond to them in the best way possible.

Unplugged

2010-03-02T11:36:00.000-05:00

I think I may have found the key to happiness last night. No, it wasn't the warmed Krispy Kreme donut I inhaled while no one was looking - (oh, come on, you know you've done that too). It was something far more simple and even more unexpected.

I unplugged.

I completely and totally turned my back on the 21st century. I closed my laptop, turned off the phone, hid the remote control, and curled up on the couch with (gasp!) a book. It was very strange at first. It was eerily quiet. Then I started hearing things that normally I tune out. I heard Hannah humming "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" while she scribbled away on her math problems. I heard Brandon scratch his head and sigh aloud as he struggled to come up with a clever ending to his Language Arts assignment. I heard Hal giggle to himself when he read a quote from the book he is reading.

It was my own little symphony of sounds to enjoy. I couldn't help myself. I just stopped reading and stared at the three of them in wonder. They were all so different, yet so alike. Their heads were all cocked in the same position and I swear to you, both Hannah and Hal's feel were keeping time to some imaginary drummer. It was then that Brandon snapped me out of my moment by looking up and pronouncing with disgust. "Ug, Mom! You have that ooey, gooey look on your face. You aren't going to try and kiss me, are you?"

Kids Saving the World

2010-02-09T12:00:00.000-05:00

I ran across this video today about Kids and the World's Problems. I just love how these kids think. It is both refreshing and awe inspiring at the same time. Refreshing because of their optimism and lack of intimidation. Awe-inspiring because my generation - that's you and me, peeps - are the ones who are supposed to be doing the things that they are dreaming about.

I think that many times we don't take the time to listen to our kids and the really really big things that they want to do. Kids may act like all they want is a lazy afternoon of video games and television, but deep down, they would rather make a difference in the world. Let's start opening our eyes to the possibility that our children can do bigger and better things than we've ever given them credit for doing...and guess what....so can we.

And I Thought A Week Ahead Was Good

2010-01-21T11:27:00.000-05:00

I don't know about you guys, but I hate grocery shopping. H.A.T.E. it. Maybe if I saw these guys down the aisle, I'd have a better time. But as it stands, I only seem to find the aisles filled with slow old ladies and screaming children (some of whom aren't with me). Besides, I always spend more money than I should even with a list) and I inevitably come home without the most important ingredient that I needed in the first place. Thus, I try my best to avoid doing it, which forces us to either eat out more than we should or try to make dinners out of stale saltine crackers and chicken noodle soup.

Fast forward to my new year's resolution. Figure out how to be a grownup when it comes to cooking and meal planning. I am a smart and capable woman, so why, on God's green earth should I be perplexed when the kids ask me, "What's for dinner?" Dinnertime doesn't sneak up on me. It happens about the same time every day. Those children we decided to have so long ago seemed hungry last night and chances are, they will be again tonight.

I came to the conclusion that while I may be good at several things, this was not one of them. So, I turned to my friend, the internet, to help me out. And I found it....the Holy Grail of meal planning and grocery shopping....the best things since sliced bread...the answer to my daily dilemma. Are you ready? This is going to rock your world...

www.e-mealz.com

I swear to you that I am not getting paid to rave about this site. I just love it so that I had to share. Parenting is hard enough without all those stupid chores and things around the house we have to do. So far this month, I have followed the meals, saved about $40 a week at the store, and stayed away from feeding my kids crap at dinner. Just thought I'd share. BTW, as organized as this all sounds, believe me, it's pretty easy. No extreme measures are allowed in my house. After all, I am NOT this woman...

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Me and My Samoan

2010-01-19T09:03:00.000-05:00

So Sunday night, Brandon and I watched 60 Minutes. His idea, not mine. They ran a story on the improbable number of Samoans in the NFL. There are something like 28 of them currently playing the highest level of football from a town of about 65,000 total people. According to the story, if a boy is Samoan born, he is 56 times more likely to end up in the NFL than any other boy from any other ethnic group.

These kids play ball in donated helmets beat to hell on rock strewn fields. They have no state of the art weight room, no fancy locker room, and no locally sponsored scoreboard. But they have something that many of our kids of privilege stateside don't. Adversity.

These kids aren't handed anything. They work hard for their families before ever hitting the football field and they don't take anything for granted. They showed one boy in particular clearing a field with a machete before grabbing his books and heading to class.

True, the people of this heritage tend to be on the bigger side physically, but that doesn't do justice to the size of their hearts and their will. I was struck by how soft we allow our kids to be. We try to shield them from difficulty as if that does them any favors. We bend over backwards so that they have every single thing they "need" to succeed when in reality, all they need is the chance to struggle.

After the show ended, Brandon's eyes were wide. I turned to him and asked him what he thought about those boys and how hard they had to work for the sport they loved. He nodded his head and said with absolute wonder, "Wow. Did you see that dude's machete? That was awesome!!!"
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2010-01-11T18:16:00.001-05:00

Puppy Power

2009-12-11T06:48:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I had to take Hannah and Brandon into the mall. Yes, you read that correctly. The mall. With kids. In December. Two of those three are on the "things that make Jenny curse" list - I'll let you decide which two.

We were there because Brandon HAD to have a white button down shirt for his choir concert the next night and I had been avoiding this trip like the plague for weeks. Shopping with my son is like one big scoop of annoying with frustration sprinkles on top.
"Hey buddy, here are some shoes that look cool."
"Yeah, but they are too shiny."
"Brandon, here are some nice jeans in your size."
"Yeah, but the pockets are fancy."
"Brandon, how about I kick you in the rear end unless you agree to this shirt?"
"Yeah, but then you would be a horrible mother."

So,on this day we went into four or five stores looking for one boys white button down - size 10 that was just right. Only it wasn't Brandon being picky this time. It was me. You see, we were not just in any old mall. No. We were in a mall that, well, how should I say this...didn't cater to boys who wear white button downs.

Anywho - after much grumbling and complaining (from me) we finally found our shirt and headed towards the exit. I was tired from the day and the shopping and grumpy doesn't really begin to describe my mood. And that's when it happened.

Hannah spotted it first. The saddest place on earth next to glue factories and clown colleges. Yes, I'm talking about the mall petshop. She begged to go in. She had been dragged to every boys department in the mall and she looked at me so pathetically that I agreed. As I followed her in, I saw something that instantly made me forget how horrible I had been feeling and forced the sound, "Awwww..." out of my body. People...I don't make that sound. Ever.

His name was Mr. Puddles - at least it should be. He was a chocolate brown long- haired daschund puppy with light brown paws and eyes that make you tilt your head and raise your eyebrows at the same time. He must be mine. Nevermind the fact that this would be absolutely the worst time EVER to get a dog, or the fact that my husband would probably not let either one of us in the house, or the fact that I know better than to support petshops and the puppy mills they probably come from. He looked at me and said, "Hello lady. You are mine and you know it."

I think he'll look awfully cute in my stocking. But we might need a place to crash Christmas night. Any takers?

Spicy Hot Marriages or Indigestion?

2009-12-01T10:04:00.001-05:00

I hope everyone had a fantabulous Thanksgiving. I know that we did. We had a houseful of guests including two (fairly) well-behaved dogs and would you believe that no drama was to be had? Of course you wouldn't because that kind of Thanksgiving only exists in Unicorn Land where laughter echos through the valley of lemondrops and skittles spray from the outstretched arms of care bears.

Our Thanksgiving included a runaway mutt, a turkey frier that simply stopped working mid-fry, and a "burst pipe" under the sink that after much wringing of hands turned out to be a loose pipe in need of a good tightening. Add all of this to the fact that since the Atlanta flood of 09 we have had to move the home office HQ to the dining room table, and you've got a pretty good indication of what this week was like.

All in all, we kept our cool and actually enjoyed each other through the craziness. Now that the leftovers have left the building and extended family members are back in their proper setting, things can get back to "normal" around here.

Which brings me to the purpose of my post. I would like to let you all know about the first ever ScreamFree Marriage teleseminar. Our friends at Matrimojo.com are hosting an interview with Hal and yours truly where we'll chat about the upcoming book, ScreamFree Marriage. If you're interested, sign up here. We'd love to hear from you and address any questions you have on making your marriage better as we head into this holiday season.

Seth Godin is ScreamFree

2009-11-23T08:23:00.000-05:00

I love me some Seth Godin. He just knows his stuff. His blog post today - as it is every day - is about online marketing...and life. It is remarkably ScreamFree and I think it's worth your time.

He is discussing the best ways to LOSE an online argument. I think his rules are pretty applicable for OFFLINE arguments as well...

One, Small. Change

2009-11-11T08:25:00.000-05:00

So, I'm one of those people who can easily go all day long and ingest one cup of coffee in the morning, one diet coke at lunch, and one glass of wine at night. I know, I know, it's horrible. In fact, if the house is especially quiet at night, you can hear my kidneys crying softly to themselves.

So, in an effort to be healthier and set a better example for my kids (who, regrettably are following my footsteps) I am trying to drink more water. I know it sounds like an easy thing to do. And for those of you out there who always carry a water bottle around with you and "just can't get enough" of the liquid nectar of the gods - shut up. Don't judge me. I wish I could be like you - all perky and...hydrated. But alas, I struggle. Mightily.

I've tried flavored pouches and I've tried the stupid looking milk jug size sippi cup. I've bought every single type of trendy water container known to mankind with the hopes that it would inspire me to guzzle the stuff. But they don't. The truth of the matter is that I get intimidated by the sheer amount that I'm supposed to drink. Conventional wisdom says 2 liters a day. A TWO LITER BOTTLE FILLED WITH WATER??? IN ONE DAY???? You might as well ask me to drink the contents of my bath tub. Here's a straw Jenny. Go ahead. You can do it.

It struck me the other day that many parents feel this same way about changing their way of dealing with stress. They've been yellers for so long - or conflict avoiders - or overeaters - you name it - that they feel overwhelmed by the prospect of change. I get that. I really do.

I actually made some progress this week with my new habit. I decided to but the 2 liter image out of my mind completely and focus on one small cup instead. I chose a nice little tumbler (a longhorn one of course) and filled it about halfway when I first woke from bed. Drinking that little glass of water was a breeze. Then I filled it halfway again. Every time I switched activites - from the computer to a meeting, or on my way to carpool - I drank my little glass of water. Before I knew it, I had met my quota and it was only mid afternoon. I was more thirsty that day than I can ever remember.

I know I've got a long way to go in this department, but at least it doesn't feel impossible now that I'm trying it one small change at a time.

A Reason to Clean???

2009-11-09T08:45:00.001-05:00

Let me start this post by saying this. I am not a clean freak. I do not have a cleaning schedule. You cannot eat off of my floors (well, I suppose you could, but you would be taking your life into your own hands if you did). But I will say this - when I am feeling agitated, depressed, or stressed out...there is nothing that makes me feel better than a good cleaning session.

There's something about the clean, fresh smell of a newly scrubbed kitchen that makes me feel like I can conquer the world. I think I inherited this from my mother who does what I call "scrub therapy". To this day, you can predict her mood based on the ferocity with which she attacks her kitchen counters.

At any rate, I ran across a short article in Time detailing an interesting fact related to my thoughts here that I wanted to share. As it turns out, most psychologists agree that washing is an effective way of alleviating guilt. (Hmmm....new consequence for the kiddos, methinks....)

A team at BYU wanted to see if this hypothesis would work in reverse. Could you regulate ethical behavior through cleanliness? They conducted experiments involving Citrus scented Windex. As it turns out, participants were much more likely to act with kindness and charity once being exposed to that smell versus (wait for it....) a room scented with "fart-spray".

So, the moral of the story? Bust out the cleaning supplies and do some scrubbing WITH your kids - and the benefits will go far beyond a squeaky clean countertop.

Willing vs. Wanting

2009-11-04T12:32:00.000-05:00

There is a book that I love called The Energy of Money by Maria Nemeth, Ph.D. It is a fantastic read and it encompasses way more than money management. There is one section that I'm re-reading because I desperately need to do so.

It is called "Willing vs. Wanting". In it, Nemeth says, "You can be willing to do something you don't want to do. You can have all sorts of opinions and distracting thoughts and still be willing to take action when it's necessary." She claims that successful people are the ones who are willing to do the things that they sometimes don't want to do.

Well that's no fun. But it is helpful and most of us do it on a daily basis with our parenting. Most of us are willing to set consequences and enforce them even though we don't like doing so. And most of us are willing to stay up late into the night with a sick little one even though we'd rather be counting sheep. Frankly, we wouldn't even think twice about it.

So, here's the million dollar question. How is it that we can recognize the value of willing vs. wanting with our children, but we neglect it when it comes to ourselves? If I don't want to exercise, you'd better believe that I'll find plenty of reasons why I "can't". Don't have the right work out clothes. Don't want to take two showers today. Didn't make a new playlist on the old ipod. Just ate two pounds of chocolate from the halloween stash and I wouldn't want to kill a good sugar buzz.

How much happier and more fulfilled would we be if we treated ourselves to this bit of wisdom? I don't know, but I'm willing to give it a try.

What's in a Name

2009-11-02T07:18:00.000-05:00

I ran across this little article and thought it was worth sharing. It is written by a mom of a seventh grader, so I immediately related to it. In it, she talks about the shifting monikers that our children give us. Sometimes we are mamma, mommy, mom, or my personal favorite.. "MOTHERRRRR!!!!"

Check it out for a giggle.

The Power of Nostalgia

2009-10-30T09:59:00.000-04:00

Hey troops -
I ran across this website this morning and spent way too much time laughing hysterically at the various poses. I think what thrilled me more than the actual pictures was the way in which I was transported to my own youth in looking at them.

In 3rd grade, I was utterly obsessed with Star Wars (for the record, I said I was a "Luke Skywalker girl" because all my friends said that we would look cute together, but I secretly yearned for the dark and mysterious Han Solo as evidenced by my 18" action figure I kept under my pillow). I used to bring my Darth Vadar mask/figurine carrying case over to Jimmy Murphy's house and we would spend hours in his backyard recreating Tatooine out of his mother's flowerbeds, which I'm sure she appreciated.

There was real magic in those action figures. I would save my allowance for weeks so that I could go to the store and pick out just the right new character to add to my collection. Would I go with the coveted Boba Fett with the rocketlauncher strapped to his back or would I round out my cantina collection with Greedo, Jaba the Hut's lackey who threatened my Han? The choice each month was excruciating.

I love thinking back on the girl that I was then. 8 years old, a mouth full of braces and not a care in the world. It wasn't long after that summer that those action figure days were over. I moved on to smurfs in an attempt to be more girlie and started chasing boys soon after that. So, it's small pleasures like stumbling upon this website that allows me to visit that girl, if even for just a moment.

I miss her. She was spunky and creative. She wasn't worried about mortgages and tonight's dinner plans. And then I catch glimpses of her in my own children when they don't know I'm watching and I realize something. That's the way it's supposed to be. Because I do take care of those adult issues that aren't nearly as fun as posing Luke and Leah in questionable poses (something I actually went to confession for after finding out they were brother and sister) - my own kids can be silly and carefree just a little longer. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Confessions of a Homework Hover-er

2009-10-07T06:39:00.000-04:00

I know. I, of all people,should know better. Having more anxiety about my child's grades than she does isn't a good thing. But for some reason, as the stakes get higher for my daughter (who is now in the 7th grade), the nagging Nellie inside me wants to be heard more than ever.

Case in point. This weekend, Hal was out of town and the kids and I did the usual - football and cheerleading, chores around the house, church...you know the drill. I noticed that Hannah wasn't doing any school work. That, my friends, is highly unusual.

I asked a couple of times if she needed to do homework and she replied, "There's nothing for me to do Mom." Flash forward to my phone conversation with Hal Sunday night. He asks, "So, is Hannah worried about her bookbag?" Wha????

"What do you mean?"

"Her bookbag. The one she left in my car and is now sitting in the ATL-Hartsfield parking lot. I'll be home Tuesday night, by the way."

My jaw dropped. I felt betrayed and more than a little anxious. I started to think about all the homework she had missed and all that she WOULD miss in TWO MORE DAYS without it. I began to grill Hal on the phone for details (including...I am embarrassed to admit...the exact location of the car in case I went to get the bag) and I started formulating my speech to Hannah about responsibility and getting older. Mid-rant on the phone, I felt a nudge by my side. It was Hannah.

She smiled and handed me a note. It read, "I have it all covered Mom. Don't worry."

After a brief lecture by my loving husband about the importance of staying calm (sometimes I really hate living with a therapist), I hung up the phone. I walked over to Hannah, note in hand.

She told me, "Mom. I was trying to be a grown up girl and take responsibility for my actions. I called my friends to get the assignments I could and I will take late grades for the ones I can't." Then she went back to reading her book.

It's not easy realizing that your 12 year old daughter just acted more maturely than you did.

The Chinese Finger Trap

2009-10-01T08:24:00.000-04:00

Do you remember these little gems? They probably are called something more PC these days, but they function the same, nevertheless. Put your index fingers in the two holes and voila', you are stuck. The most natural reaction is to pull your fingers apart from each other, but the harder you try to escape, the more restrictive the device becomes.

This happens in relationships too. Playing emotional tug of war with your friend, spouse, or even your child, is exhausting and unproductive. The best way out of those traps is the same way out of the old Chinese Finger Traps.

You do remember how to get out of these, don't you? You do the most counter-intuitive thing possible. You push your fingers together. Instead of pulling apart, you move towards. When you are butting heads with someone (probably pointing a finger or two...), stop pulling away. Instead, make a move towards them - towards understanding their position so that you can have an intelligent conversation rather than a headstrong battle.

Tip of the Day

2009-10-01T08:08:00.000-04:00

Force is all-conquering, but its victories are short lived.

Abraham Lincoln

As parents, we must continually ask ourselves, “What do I want most for my children?”. Usually, the answer to that has something to do with them becoming happy, well adjusted, confident, kind, self sufficient adults. This of course is a tall order which necessitates a great relationship between the two of you.

And a great relationship cannot be based on the use of force. You might get compliance in the short term, but you will lose respect and trust in the long run. So, think long and hard before you resort to this kind of tactic with your children, because it comes across as desperate and your kids can smell that a mile away.

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Learning to Lead

2009-09-29T08:28:00.000-04:00

As it turns out, good parenting really can keep your kids safe. Or at least it helps your chances of doing so. A recent study came out about teen driver safety and the findings are astounding.

5,600 teens were asked to place their parents in one of four categories:
1. Authoritative (high support/high rules)
2. Authoritarian (low support/high rules)
3. Permissive (high support/low rules)
4. Uninvolved (low support/low rules)

The kids who reported their parents as authoritative reported 50% fewer crashes than their counterparts! 50%!!! You can read about the whole study here.

As a parent, we are supposed to lead our children into adulthood. We are supposed to be the authority in our own homes. I think most of us know this, but in reality, few of us practice this. We tend to drift to the extremes where we are either too hard on our kids or too soft on them. Both extremes indicate that we aren't comfortable and confident in our role as a leader.

Finding that middle ground - that loving authority where we establish boundaries and allow consequences to do the screaming for us - is the ScreamFree way. We know that it works. It's good to see the researchers catching up to us. :)

Attention Walmart Shoppers

2009-09-28T07:45:00.000-04:00

I try to avoid Walmart when I can. No, I'm not protesting their business ethics or anything like that - I just don't like the store. Invariably, I'll get to the end of my list and realize that I passed up the pharmacy section, located approximately 4 miles on the other end of the store.

Plus, I just find it a depressing place. Usually. Not the other day. I witnessed something so funny that I think I may have snorted.

It was a Saturday (mistake number 1) around 11AM (mistake number 2) when I walked into the store the weekend before school started (need I say it? number 3). As you might imagine, it was so crowded that I had to wait for someone to finish shopping so that I could use their basket. The aisles were in disarray as pencils, lunchboxes, and the occasional half opened pack of children's underwear lay strewn about. It looked as if a kid had just exploded and there was nothing left of him except his batman underoos.

As I said before, it was the weekend before school started, so the place was crawling with kids. Literally. Babies were crawling in the aisles while tired looking mothers read from school supply lists trying to find wide ruled paper through bleary eyes.

That's when I heard her for the first time. The Walmart Woman - you know, the employee who comes over the intercom and calls for clean ups and extra cashiers. The voice from above who sometimes reminds you of sales and who is supposed to sound like she wants you there in the store. I will just record her announcements in the order I heard them and let you decide what kind of day she had been experiencing...

"Attention Walmart shoppers. We have just opened two extra check out lanes for your
convenience. Allow me to remind you that your children should be with you at all times. Thank you for shopping with us."

"Attention Walmart shoppers. Our seafood section is offering free samples of shrimp dip at this time. Come on by. And also, please remember that children should not be throwing bouncy balls in the aisles now or at any other time during your visit."

"Attention Walmart shoppers. Please note that not only should bouncy balls not be thrown in the aisles, but they should also not be thrown at other customers."

"Attention Walmart shoppers. Hi. It's me again. Maybe I wasn't clear in my last announcement. Find your children and tell them that just because they can't throw balls INSIDE the store, does not mean that they can ride the bikes for sale into other people's carts. It's rude and it's dangerous. I beg you."

The funniest part is that the only people who even heard her were the ones without children with them! I wanted to find her and tell her that she made my day, but I also wanted to get the heck out of there before I ran into those kids who were apparently terrorizing the store. In the end, I got what I needed and made for the exit, but not before I heard her one last time...her voice thinly disguising her irritation.

"Attention Walmart shoppers. Seriously. You will be held responsible for your children and any damages that they incur, bodily or otherwise. If you need help corralling them, that can be arranged."

At ScreamFree, we preach that you are not responsible for your children and the mistakes they make, but you are responsible to them. But there are some cases when you will be held responsible for your precious offspring. I still say that responsible TO is more important. Being responsible to your children and setting guidelines for behavior before you go in the store - and then following up with consequences if they act up - will help prevent them running through the aisles launching bouncy balls like hand grenades. I'm just sayin.

In all seriousness, I've been there. So tired you can't see straight. Work deadlines and babysitter issues so you have no choice but to bring your kids to the store in the first place. But it's precisely in those times that we all have to rise to the best parts of ourselves and act like the grownups we are called to be.

Your Time is Precious

2009-09-25T08:06:00.000-04:00

I ran across an interesting article yesterday while waiting in the orthodontist's office. I can't remember which magazine it was in, nor can I remember the name of the article (...many apologies, article writer getting no credit for your grand idea...) but I can remember what it said. And I thought it was worth repeating.

It was talking about one simple way to refresh your parenting. It suggested spending one hour doing nothing but simply being with your child. I know that doesn't sound like a radical idea to some of you - especially those of you who stay home with little ones - but every now and again, it's good to revisit those common sense notions and remember why they have merit.

As the author stated, when you give your kids your undivided and agenda free attention, they don't need to seek it in annoying ways so much. I don't know about you, but there have been times when all I want is 20 minutes to myself with a magazine and I can't even find the time to rip out those irritating postcard advertisements before I'm interrupted by a chorus of children needing one thing or another.

I know you're busy - we all are. But you had these kids for a reason, right? Take an hour - heck, make it 30 minutes - set your timer, and just BE with them. No strings, no teachable moments, nothing. Just you. And them. I think you'll find that the more you do this, the less you'll have to worry about.

Two Minutes - A Lifetime of Emotion

2009-09-15T16:01:00.000-04:00

I can't decide if I think this video is cruel or funny. It's probably a little bit of both. Some dad captured his kid's terrified and then gleeful ride on a coaster. Sure, this kid will probably be in therapy years from now talking about how he fears vulnerability because 15 million people saw him cry like a little girl, but other than that, I think it's great.

Roller Coasters provide such a great metaphor for life. The thrill of adventure comes with a price - usually sheer terror. But without that fear, without those leaps into the unknown, there is no payoff.

It's hard to remember how scary life can be for kids - there are so many of these hills that they haven't experienced yet. While we can sit in relative comfort knowing that usually things turn out alright, they just aren't as sure. Walking alongside them as they experience the thrills and terrors of life can be just as exciting for us - it gives us a chance to experience that adventure again. And be sure to video precious moments like this so that bloggers all across the world can draw pithy wisdom from your kid's efforts at not-puking.

Tennis Anyone?

2009-09-14T07:45:00.000-04:00

This has been a banner week for reactivity in the news. First, there was Joe Wilson's notorious "You Lie!" outburst and now, there is Serena Williams' infamous meltdown at the US Open. Surely you've heard about it by now - Serena was down 30-15 in the semifinal of the US Open. She was called for a foot fault on her serve by the line judge which brought her opponent, Kim Clijsters, within one point of victory.

And Serena LOST it. I mean, lost control of all rational behavior. She walked over to the line judge and verbally abused her in an effort to... well, I'm not really sure what she was hoping to gain. But I can tell you what ended up happening. Because she was so upset about losing a point she reacted in an immature way which caused her to ...lose another point.

Not just any point, mind you - MATCH POINT. Watch it here Then, in a press conference, she doesn't even sound remorseful! Her response, "People do way worse things out there."

Ouch. Cringeworthy. She embarrasses herself and takes away what should have been a great moment for Clijsters and the crowd who had cheered them both on. Granted, it was a rough call. It came at a terrible time. But, such is life.

We can't control the bad breaks that come our way. But we can control how we handle ourselves when they do. The truth is, I have probably handled myself just as immaturely at times when my kids (or my husband) "push my buttons", I just didn't have the whole world watching.

It is my sincere hope that Serena learns from this - that we all do. Pausing before reacting can save you a few match points and a whole lot of heartache.

Really?

2009-09-08T13:35:00.000-04:00

This week, there was been so much uproar about this speech in the media and out in the blogosphere that it became impossible to ignore. At ScreamFree, we advocate taking a pause before getting reactive in all the things we do, especially when it comes to parenting our children. Apparently, we have a lot of work to do.
Many well meaning parents, got caught up in the tempest and decided not to allow their children to hear President Obama's speech to the schools. From what I can gather, their reasoning had something to do with a fear of "indoctrination" and "socialist ideas".

Now – this is not a blog about politics – this is about something far more important…parenting. So, my main concern as I curiously observed the furious flurry this past week had nothing to do with what the president might or might not say. After all, if I was truly curious, I could simply go to the White House website and read the whole thing in its entirety. My main concern was the attitude of those parents who so vigorously cried foul that their children were being used as targets by the president.

I think that some very well meaning parents missed a golden opportunity. Talk WITH your children instead of AT your children about what it was that they saw. Encourage them to discuss what they agreed with and what they disagreed with in the speech. Instead of sheltering your kids from the big bad world, prepare them for it. That doesn’t include sticking your fingers in your ears and humming to yourself when someone is talking with whom you do not agree.

Teach your children how to disagree with civility, with grace, and with honor instead of with insults. Teach them how even those you may not agree with can, on occasion, teach you something wonderful. Above all, teach them respect for their county, their heritage, and themselves.

Do You Really Want to Know???

2009-09-04T18:19:00.000-04:00

Well folks,
I have not posted in many moons and this is why. We are in the thick of book writing time. Our deadline for ScreamFree Marriage is looming - November 1 - and we are on pace to finish a chapter each week.

Not an easy task, I have come to learn.

Many of you are curious as to how we actually work together, how it all happens. And here's your answer. Lots and lots of note cards and computer time. Book writing in the movies looks so much more glamorous than it really is. Rarely is there ever any sort of Zen moment where our fingers just can't keep up with our thoughts. Mainly it's like root canal work. Tedious, painful, and best accompanied with drugs.

Each week, Hal writes his thoughts down and gives them to me. I read them and we white board more ideas together. Then I use note cards to place the different elements that he's created together with the stories and other material that I've collected. Once I have the outline down, I start sewing things together.

Want to know something funny? As I type this, Brandon, Hannah and Hal are watching Young Frankenstein (the TBS version) in the next room. How ironic that I'm talking about sewing different parts of something together....hopefully this book will be something more than Abby Normal.

Odds and Ends

2009-07-18T09:45:00.000-04:00

I am pretty much a creature of habit and if I can’t sit down at my own kitchen table with my own ridiculously large cup of morning coffee, I have a hard time writing. I’ve met other writers who thrive on the adventure of travel. They can find time and space to write anywhere on any scrap of paper. They carry around pretentious and overpriced Mole Skin journals and they actually put coherent thoughts together inside them.

Whenever I attempt to be creative away from my trusty laptop, table, coffee combination, I end up either writing pseudo-intellectual gibberish or a list of things I need at Costco. In any event, I haven’t written in a while and I’m sorry.

Life in ScreamFree land has been interesting. Hannah has been at summer camp for two weeks and we all really miss her…even Brandon, although he would never…ever…admit it.

We attended a marriage conference and had a chance to learn from some of the foremost experts in the world - always a good thing. We also found some really....interesting gadgets for sale. Like these hats in the picture.

They are called "focus visors" and they are made for spouses to wear so that they tune out the rest of the world and focus on each other. They are meant to foster closeness and intimacy. Um....I'm thinking that if Hal were to come to me wearing one of these, the last thing I'd be thinking about is intimacy. I'm pretty sure that I'd be running the other way.

Happiness is a Red Tomato

2009-07-06T21:47:00.000-04:00

Hello readers,

I've been out of touch for a while because frankly, I just haven't felt much like writing. I haven't felt much like doing anything at all, and I figured that I would spare you from the whiny, neurotic little pouter that I turned into for a couple of days.

Well, life snapped me out of my self-made prison today. It took me by the shoulders, turned me around, and made me stare face to face with the most glorious thing on the planet. A single, solitary, red tomato from my very own garden.

Well, it isn't actually MY garden. I am a sharecropper for my widower neighbor, Mr. JD, who loves to garden but can't do the physical work anymore because of his parkinson's disease and his age. So, he provided the seedlings and the kids and I do the work.

I've never grown anything in my life before. This is not hyperbole. I'm dead serious. Houseplants under my care have never lived more than a week. I must omit some secret and deadly aroma that makes plants wilt - that, or they just know that I feel incapable and so they die just to prove a point. Then they laugh at the gates of plant heaven at the moronic woman staring at their little carcasses and scratching her head.

So when JD asked us if we wanted to do this garden thing, I reluctantly said yes because I thought it would be good for the kids. Just like a family pet, this would be a great way for them to learn responsibility. They dug the holes and were a great help...for about a week. Then, like the proverbial "family" puppy, this one became all mine. I've done my research and been overwhelmed with advice that seems to contradict itself. I've debated about which kind of mulch to use and I've fretted about the stupid chipmonks that I see stealing the seeds right out of the ground. Each day, I do something wrong according to plant wisdom, and am surprised that they are still around to take the punishment.

In the end, despite my best efforts to kill them, these tomato plants have produced fruit. They are absolutely full of luscious, ripe, green tomatoes and today - as I opened my door to greet the day, one lovely red one seemed to be smiling right at me.

I grinned like a cheshire cat and ran back into the house to show everyone. Brandon raised one eyebrow and said, "I don't like tomatoes." But his lack of enthusiasm couldn't squelch mine. I was totally entranced by this little gem and I just looked at it for a very long time. What an incredible thing just came out of the ground! And I helped!

In my joy, I forgot all about being depressed and remembered why it's good to be alive. Then I sliced up my sphere of wonder and spent a moment in Nirvana. And as I did, I found myself wondering...is it too late to plant more?

Calgon, Take Him Away...Please

2009-06-30T07:33:00.000-04:00

Someone help me out here. Why does my 10 year old son avoid showering like his life depended upon it? Does he think that his burgeoning masculinity will wash off with the soap and be forever lost down the drain? Is he afraid that smelling clean will lessen his chances in the major leagues - a destiny that he is so sure of that he can't really decide if he wants to play pro baseball, basketball, or football?

I really don't get it. What is not to like about showers? Ok, I am probably not the right person to ask that question. I am admittedly a fan. A huge fan. First, there is the hot water. The hotter the better. Then you add good smelling bubbly soap, a wonderfully exfoliating scrubbie, and at least 8 minutes all to yourself. What could be better?

A hot shower washes away all the crud that life throws your way. It is a literal fresh start and a way to let go of life - even for just 8 minutes.

But try telling all of that to my son and you'll get this reply..."Um....yeah. Can I take one tomorrow?" Translation: You are a crazy person who doesn't understand how good it feels to be so dirty that your hair crunches and your belly button sprouts a colony of boll weevils.

Oh well. Maybe he'll grow out of it. At least for now I can take solace in the fact that it is summer and that chlorine kills at least some of the things growing on him that I'd rather not face.

In the Blink of an Eye

2009-06-28T23:16:00.000-04:00

I really want to write a superficial, funny post right about now...it's just that I can't. We attended a dual funeral today at our church for a mother and her 15 year old son who were killed in a tragic car accident this past Monday.

The Prather family of four was returning from the mother's (Jeanette) graduation ceremony in Florida where she was receiving her Master's Degree. On the freeway, the back tire had a blowout. The father struggled to pull the van over when he lost control and it flipped. Matthew, the youngest son, was killed on impact and the mother died from her injuries a few days later.

At the funeral today, we celebrated their lives and mourned their deaths.

I don't know what kind of sense can be made from this - but I do know that it has forced me to reflect on a few things that I feel compelled to share here:

1. I want to make sure that my living will is up to date. This mother had a clear living will in place which made difficult decisions a little easier for her husband and eldest son.

2. It is good to be an organ donor. Because of her thoughtfulness and generosity, five people's lives were saved the day that she lost hers.

3. Life is fragile. One moment, this family of four was listening to the radio and the next, they were ripped apart. I vow to hug my kids and my husband much more and care about the status of my house much less for as long as I can.

May you have a blessed day with your family and enjoy the kind of simple pleasures that we all too often take for granted.

Peace -

A New Level of Lame

2009-06-24T06:26:00.000-04:00

Hello Readers -

We have finally returned from our venture out West and have (sort of)settled back into normality...whatever that may be. As you all know, Hal and I are furiously writing the marriage book this summer and in order to get anything done, we do our best to keep the little ninos busy. Thus, Brandon is taking a golf camp which lasts from 9-3 and Hannah is attending GACS' Sonshine camp. I wasn't sure how Brandon would hold up in the heat with nothing but golf to do all day (honestly, I can't think of anything worse, except maybe a bowling camp) but when he bounded home fresh as a daisy and asked Hal if they could go play 18 - now - I had my answer.

Dear future daughter in law, I officially apologize for the millions of dollars that my son will spend on this addiction and the countless hours that it will consume. I will, henceforth, keep all of his father's golf magazines so that you will not have to purchase any - as I am not allowed to throw any away, this will be no extra task for me. On those Saturdays and long golf weekends, you can come over and curse me out at your leisure, then we'll go get manicures and eat sweets. Love, Mom

As for Hannah - I think this is her last year to attend Sonshine camp. She is having an absolute blast since four of her close friends are there, but when your counselor is only 6 months older than you, it may be time to move on. It only freaks me out a little that she could possibly be working next summer and so this morning when she came in our room, complaining of a bad dream, I happily scooped her into bed with me and snuggled for as long as possible. I didn't think that it would all happen so fast. She and I share shoes and eyebrow waxing appointments now. Then, yesterday, it happened.... I got a notice about my 20th high school reunion and Hannah said the words that I once said to my mom.... "Gosh, 20 years??? You really are old, aren't you?"

Anywho - we're glad to be back in the land of the sane. Which brings me to this picture. Whilst in LA, Hannah and I wandered into a Juicy Couture store, just for laughs and found this stroller. Yes, for only $450, you too can purchase this status symbol so that everyone you run into can see how ridiculously shallow you are. Don't forget the $120 footmuff attachment. What's that, you ask? Why, you Philistines, a footmuff is a custom made attachment (emblazoned with the Juicy Couture logo and lined with feux fur, of course) that you velcro on to the bottom of the stroller so that your precious princess doesn't get cold tootsies. Hey, you never know when a cold north wind will blow right through the streets of downtown LA. You have to be prepared.

2009-06-17T13:08:00.000-04:00

The Runkel clan is visiting the West Coast this week and I must say, I think I can understand the pull of it for so many people. We are all in Malibu staying on the Pepperdine campus and making day trips to LA and San Diego. Hal took a class here last week and will be speaking at a conference here next week. So, the kids and I joined him in between to see the sights.

We first hit the Santa Monica pier, then spent Monday at the San Diego zoo, Tuesday at Legoland, and today, we roam the streets of Hollywood. It has been a blast. Seriously, the weather is ridiculous and the views are sublime. The traffic, on the other hand, makes me want to gouge my eyes out. I don't know how people live here with this kind of congestion. I think the canyons make it feel worse than it is - in a way, I guess I am a Texas girl at heart. I feel claustrophobic if I can't see the sky and on the road to Malibu, you are squeezed into this narrow space with cliffs on one side and the ocean on the other. I'm glad Hal likes to drive.

One in Every Bunch

2009-06-05T06:46:00.000-04:00

Apparently there are Nazi parents in every sport. I found out last night that Swim Team is no exception. Brandon asked to join this summer. I was upfront with him about what swim team involves and I even shared with him my horrific memories of the one summer I spent as a Lakewood Piranha. Alas, he still joined.

The first meet was last night. We live next door to the club pool....no seriously, right next door...so at the appointed time, Brandon and I walked over to sign in. What greeted me was a glorious chaotic mess of children with sharpie marker all over their arms (if you are a swim team novice like me, parents mark what event the child swims in so that any adult can grab them and put them in the right lane come race time), loud Disney music, and my volunteer duty.

Now readers, I mentioned that I did swim team back in the day. You might think that I knew how these meets worked and I knew which volunteer duties to sign up for and which to avoid. But you'd be wrong. You see, I swam as a kid and in doing so, thought that meets magically organized themselves, much like Christmas, grocery shopping, and laundry.

So, I had the misfortune of signing up for what is called "bullpen" duty. It sounded fun. It was anything but. My job, along with several other volunteers from both teams, was to line up the children for their races. There was a staging area, a series of deck chairs in rows, and then a lane area. In a perfect world, the kids are supposed to know what event they are swimming, go to the staging area when they see the event number posted, and sit in the appropriate deck chair. We check them off and move them forward to the next area.

Sounds reasonable, right? Only there were about 200 kids there, many under the age of 6, who were more interested in playing wall ball or hanging out with friends than getting to the staging area on time. Oh, and did I mention that it was pouring rain the whole time. FOR FIVE HOURS????

It was at this juncture that I met my first Nazi swim parent. She was with the other team and apparently, she runs the bullpen at their meets. She had a small army of minions doing her bidding and never once did I see her smile. She was not pleased with the quality of our volunteers and the job that we were doing, so she took it upon herself to take over.

Now, I'll give her this. Her team was pretty well organized. The older swimmers were in charge of marching the younger swimmers to the staging area on time and her volunteers (unlike me) seemed to actually know the kids - which is a bonus when trying to wrangle them into the right place. Ok. But here's where I just had to laugh. At one point, she walks up to me (I suppose a clipboard makes you look official) and barks out, "Can you get any of your people to actually HELP get your swimmers to the staging area on time? Your kids aren't showing up and my people are having to do your job." Nevermind that I wouldn't be able to tell you which person out here was our coach, let alone who was volunteering for us.

Did I mention that it was pouring down rain? It was ridiculous that we were even out here "for the kids" and now this woman wanted me to run around and herd cats because ...why? Didn't it actually benefit her team if some of our kids missed their race? Wouldn't that give her little army a better chance of winning? Lots of kids went home because...oh, yea..it was POURING DOWN RAIN.

What was interesting was that she had been so domineering in the bullpen since the beginning of the meet, telling our people how we were doing everything wrong, that they ended up not doing much at all...which, you guessed it, led her to get even more angry.

I guess there's one in every group. Oh, well, as long as it's for the kids....

Hey Mom, Isn't That Your Weird Friend?

2009-06-03T22:37:00.000-04:00

I heard those words today as we were walking through Barnes and Noble purchasing our boatload of summer reading. I have to say that a few people crossed my mind as I turned to see who the kids were talking about.

Then my eyes landed on this book.

Yes, indeed children, that is my weird friend on the cover of this book. His name is Owen Egerton (he's the redheaded leprechaun, front and center)who I've known since college when Hal and I were dating. He is no less strange today than he was then, but the internet has made all of that silliness worthwhile.

Readers, allow me to introduce you to a wonderful website and a hilarious book called Dadlabs: Pregnancy and Year One

These guys know how to speak the language of "guy" and they're not afraid to do it.
If you are ever in need of a good hearty laugh and some helpful advice for those first few years, you MUST visit Dadlabs.com. You can thank me later.

They're Coming to Take Me Away..I hope

2009-05-27T11:40:00.000-04:00

So here we are, exactly 2 days into summer vacation and I am already wondering what momentary lapse of reason caused me to believe that I could work from home whilst the munchkins were at large.

It's not as if my line of work requires any sort of concentration or quietude..oh, wait...that's right...I'm supposed to be writing a flippin' book!!!

I am not upset with the kids. They are just being very 12 and 10. But I am upset with my lack of discipline. The only way that this is going to work out is if I plan WAY ahead and don't allow things like this morning to upset me.

What happened this morning? What didn't happen is a better question.

After informing the children that I would be off limits for the next two hours to write, I decided to whip up some mac and cheese so that come lunch time, all they'd have to do was zap it in the microwave. After the noodles were ready, I realized that we were out of milk. 30 minutes later, I'm back from the store and ready to start my writing session. Only now, the stove suddenly isn't working. Checked the breaker box. Still not working. OK. Plan B. The noodles are done, so I'll just pop them and the "cheesey" part of the mixture in the microwave, have Hal look at the stove when he gets home, and get started on that writing.

Only now, the microwave isn't working. Checked the breaker box. Still not working.

SO, I fixed sandwiches and finally made my way back to my office to sit down and start writing. Only now, I'm so flustered that the last thing I want to write about his how to stay calm in the midst of a storm.

So, readers, I'm turning to you to vent. Thanks for listening. And if anyone knows a good appliance repairman, I'm all ears. I'll be in my office, not writing.

I Silenced the Lambs

2009-05-25T22:07:00.000-04:00

So readers, this afternoon I did something so brave, so fearless, that I feel as if I could take on the world and actually win. I faced one of my biggest fears today. I looked death in the eye. I went toe to toe with a giant.

What exactly, you ask, did I do?

I cleaned out our backyard shed.

Dear readers, this shed isn't your typical backyard shed. This is the mother of all creepy sheds. I'm talking Silence of the Lambs scary. It had ivy covering the front and on more than one occasion, I saw little critters crawling out of it. It was left here by the previous owners of this house and I have only tried to open it once (in two years). When I pried open the creaky door, something fell over and I swear I saw a body part in a jar - ok, so maybe it was an old gas can, but I wasn't taking any chances. I ran for the hills and left it alone...until today.

Every day when I do dishes, I see this eyesore out of the kitchen window and every time I see it, I feel weak. Today, I decided to do something about it. I suppose all this talk about Memorial Day got to me. If all these brave men and women could fight for my freedom, I could certainly tackle this shed. So, I put on long sleeves, jeans, work gloves, and a hat. I grabbed my machete (yes, I have one...doesn't everyone?) and a lantern and headed into the abyss.

I whacked my way through the ivy like Michael Douglass in Romancing the Stone and stood in front of the shed breathing deeply. I banged on the door a few times to give whatever might be living in there a heads up and then I pried it open. The shed was packed - floor to ceiling - with the most random assortment of trash you could imagine. The first thing my eye could make out made me question my sanity.It was a huge glass jug filled with dark brown liquid that had something white floating in it. It was now or never. I went straight for it (with a stick, of course) and pulled it toward me. Bit by disgusting bit, I pulled out half empty paint cans, torn rags, broken tools, rotten seeds - you name it - this shed had it.

Surprisingly, nothing had nested in there save for a few spiders and before I knew it, I had pulled every single thing out. One good clean sweep later and I looked at my handiwork. A huge surge of pride shot through me and I felt amazing.

I put in some standing shelves, moved out lawn equipment in, and passed out from exhaustion. Why do I bother telling you this?

Because every day for the past two years, I have at some point or another, felt heavy whenever I saw this shed. I kept thinking - "Boy, I'd like to have this storage space. If only Hal could do this for me....if only we had the money to hire someone to tear it down and buy another one."

I had painted myself in a corner by thinking this way. I was waiting on some external circumstance to happen so that I could feel good about this area in my yard. TWO YEARS I felt this way. And one afternoon is all it took to feel completely different.

Not too shabby. Now, where is my heating pad?

Life Comes at You Fast

2009-05-19T06:35:00.000-04:00

Anyone remember those Nationwide commercials where life passes in the blink of an eye? If not, here's a quick reminder...

I thought of this commercial this past Sunday when attending the Milton HS baccalaureate service. Hal was the guest speaker and I, like the supportive wife that I am, went along. It was a beautiful service and I enjoyed a little people watching as an anonymous guest. I watched the graduates hugging each other and grinning from ear to ear. I watched proud mamas and papas snapping pictures and breathing sighs of relief. And I watched my life flash before my eyes.

As Hal stood up in front of those graduates, he spoke about our high school days. And I had a minor panic attack. You see, reader, I remember sitting in those robes. I remember hugging my friends and I remember my parents snapping those photos. Where did the last (cough, cough, ahem) years go? But that's not what caused my shallow breathing and sudden dizzy spell. What brought that on was the sobering realization that my Hannah will be among this enrobed multitude before I know it.

Ok, sure, in six years, but still... if the last (cough, cough, ahem) years went by so fast, won't the next six?

The answer is yes. Life doesn't slow down. In fact, it seems to speed up the older I get. And ultimately, I don't mind. I'm not one of those parents who wants to freeze their child and protect them from growing up. But it did make me reflect just a little how precious the time I do have with my kids is.

I somehow doubt that all of those arguments about dirty clothes and rolling eyes will matter much in May of 2015. I doubt that I'll be grateful for all of those times that instead of just enjoying her company over a magazine, I cleaned out my refrigerator. It may sound trite, but life really does come at you fast.

And while I know it's not realistic to be fully present ALL the time with your kids - heck, that is another problem all of its own - I think that I can do a little better. I can enjoy her a little more and fuss at her a little less... even when she makes it hard to do... especially when she makes that hard to do. Maybe that way, when she walks down that corridor as a high school grad, we'll both be better prepared for life apart.

Dumbest Headline Ever...

2009-05-16T08:41:00.000-04:00

So this morning, I was flipping through my routine news sites to see what was going on in the world. Apparently, it's a pretty slow news day so far. I read about 6ft. long lizards on runways, what the pope thinks about Obama's speech at ND, and this doozie of a headline.

Are you ready for it?

Why repairs in space are so hard...

Hmmm....I don't know....could it be because THEY ARE IN SPACE?????

Do you mean to tell me that this is the best some crack writer for msn.com could do? But maybe I'm being too harsh. Maybe we've gotten to the point as a society where we think everything should be getting easier and easier as we get more and more sophisticated with technology.

If so, then we're headed down a dangerous path. The desire for ease and comfort is understandable. We live in a hectic and stressful world and it's nice when something doesn't take much effort. We get ourselves into trouble when we start thinking that nothing should take much effort. We want quick fixes and simple solutions and we want them NOW.

Case in point: Diet aids. How many informercials have you seen that promise you rock hard abs in less than 5 minutes a day? (For the record, I am just as guilty of buying into these lies...see my post on Tony Little's Rock N Roll Stepper) Some things in life just aren't meant to be easy - because they are also meant to teach us something. Parenting is the prime example.

Kids are messy, they don't come with instruction manuals, and they seldom make our lives easier. If you want that kind of performance, get a crock pot. (No, seriously, get one...they are amazing)

Go against the current here and recognize that some things in life, be it repairing a space station or raising a kid, are just plain hard. They take work, patience, skill, and determination. I think you'll be surprised how much easier that makes everything seem.

I'm Pretty Sure...

2009-05-12T21:48:00.000-04:00

Hannah and I went to the nail salon today, trying to squeeze in a little girl time. We have been cutting back on these little extras in days of late, but I told her that if we just got pedicures, we could go.

We usually frequent the same place near our house, although after today, I don't really know why. They are always a little on the rude side and seem annoyed when we walk in, interrupting their afternoon talk shows.

Today was no exception. We came in and told them in very clear terms that we each wanted a pedicure and nothing else. Once we sat down and got started, one of the technicians came next to me and started preparing her things to do my hands. I politely told her that I only wanted a pedicure. She looked at my nails and tried to guilt me into more services by showing me and all the ladies that work there just how ugly my cuticles were. After telling her no about 4 times, she shrugged her shoulders. I thought I was off the hook, but I was wrong.

She turned her attention to my eyebrows, arched her own, and said, "Well, you want your brows done, don't you?". When I told her no, she broke out into laughter and started talking in Vietnamese. I usually try not to be a paranoid person, but I couldn't help but think of this comedian and her take on what really happens when nail technicians speak in their native tongue...

Paging Dr. Freud

2009-05-11T14:44:00.000-04:00

I hope everyone out there had a wonderful Mother's Day. I know that I did. For once, the cards and flowers that I sent to my significant mother figures actually arrived on time (let's hear it for margin!). I didn't cook or clean at all, I went shopping at H&M, and my kids allowed me to snuggle back into the covers an extra few minutes without sneaking in to ask when breakfast would be ready.

Not bad at all.

So, check off another nice Mother's Day and move on to the dog days of summer. But before we leave this Hallmark Holiday for good, I had to point out something that I found the other day while searching for the perfect card to send.

I was drawn to it because of the cute picture - who can resist little feet, after all? But the message inside made me cringe. On the front it says,
"Lately I feel like something has come between us."
and on the inside it reads,

"I'm cool with that. Happy Mother's Day"

Now, I'm probably reading too much into this, but I am a writer - That's what I do.
Does anyone else find this a little Oedipal? Is this what King Claudius gave Queen Gertruude on Mother's Day - a picture of little Hamlet driving a wedge between them?

Yikes.

Motherly Love?

2009-05-06T09:28:00.000-04:00

I just read in the news about a local ATL mother and daughter who were just indicted for a hit and run accident that claimed the lives of 5 people on Easter Sunday. WSB reports that the daughter was driving and caused a chain reaction which led to the deaths and then drove off in her BMW.

Here's the kicker...her mother helped her conceal the crash and repair the car. Now, they are both being charged by the authorities.

This is an extreme case of what we warn parents against. No one likes to see their kids go through something difficult. When they are small, they make small mistakes. They may break a glass window, forget their homework, or hurt a friend's feelings. Those mistakes carry consequences with them. If we protect our kids from those natural consequences, we rob them the ability to learn from their mistakes.

As kids get bigger, their issues and problems grow right along with them. It's our job to prepare them for that growth. While we all want our children to be good decision makers, especially as their decisions carry more weight, we don't really like the idea of them becoming decision makers. That is not easy. And it's not supposed to be.

I feel for this mother, I really do. I know she was scared for her daughter and thought she was helping. That's exactly why we at ScreamFree do what we do. We want to help people see that sometimes, the very thing that you do to help your kids just may end up crippling them in the long run.

Don't be afraid to allow consequences, both natural and those set by you, to do the screaming around your house. Remind yourself that it is better to learn hard lessons early in life when the ramifications of mistakes aren't as severe. A little pain now just may save a lot of heartache later on.

A Teen's Take on Cell Phone Checks

2009-05-02T19:03:00.000-04:00

This was sent in to me by a ScreamFree certified facilitator. It is a letter written by a seventeen year old discussing the pros and cons of parents instituting cell phone checks. Here is her answer as it appears (poor grammar and all)...

If you're going to look in my phone, you'll find things you don't like. period.

if you went through my cell phone right now here's what you would find you wouldn't like: i use profanity. alot. i'm up way past my bedtime. several innuendos with my boyfriend. i failed my chem test. my best friend was drunk last weekend. my guy friends have sex. my friend drove me home from school last weekend even though I'm not supposed to get in the car with new drivers.

there's probably plenty of material to get me grounded in there.
but here's the thing to think about.
a. what puts me in danger? and b. what can you actually change?

keep all this in mind. I'm an ap and honors student. I'm at the top of my class. I participate in extracurriculars. teachers love me. I have conversations instead of grunting at the dinner table (WOAH WE CAN TALK!)

So whether or not you choose to take action about these things, I caution you against taking the hardline "i'm not your friend" approach.
yes. you're not my friend. its pretty clear. i promise. my worst enemy tells me that less.
but just because were not friends doesn't mean you can't be friendly.
my teacher may not be my friend but that doesn't mean she approaches me wielding my cell phone like an ax and yelling were not friends. well, most teachers don't. in this situation, who's the irrational one, you or your teen?

if you decide to take issue with these things, do it by TALKING to me.
ask me why I'm up so late. ask me why I felt I needed a ride home from a friend. talk to me about why it concerns you.

in the process you might discover that I've been such an irrational human being lately because my boyfriend cheated on me and I don't know how to handle it.
I might have failed the chemistry test because its HARD.
most of my behavior has an explanation.

get a good relationship with your kids. they're people too. think of it more as mentor-mentee rather than tyrant-serf :)
I kindof branched off (sorry!, as a teen I reacted strongly)
but my answer to the question: (finally!)

if youre the parent whos going to demand cell checks; your teen just won't text anything they don't mind you reading. or they'll delete it. they'll also constantly complain about you to their friends and want to go to college very far away.
most teens delete their texts/passcode lock anyway. (not necessarily because were hiding something but because surprise: we think you're as irrational as you think we are)

PICK YOUR BATTLES. focus on winning the long term not the short term fights.

Pretty fascinating stuff. I love that she uses the mentor/mentee analogy to parents and their teens. As our kids get older, our job changes from one who protects to one who prepares.

That's the topic of the Hal Edward show tomorrow. Tune in to www.wsbradio.com from 2-4 EST to hear the conversation and call in with your two cents.

I actually think she's pretty articulate and reasonable...although if I were her parent, I'd ground her for abusing the English language.

Yo' Mama

2009-05-01T12:43:00.000-04:00

I am currently working on an article for Mother's Day. I'm toying around with the notion that Mothers are excellent at taking care of everyone except themselves. I know that's not a completely new idea, but I'm really fascinated with exploring it deeper.

So, I've been brainstorming and trolling the internet for inspiration. That's when I came across this little gem. It's one in the series of videos that Mr. T put out in the early 80s. I think I remember seeing it long ago, something about those short camo shorts is burned in my memory.

Check it out just for kicks and pay attention to the following:

1. The mother on the far left is proof that most white people have no rhythm.
2. Apparently in Mr. T's world, it is perfectly normal to not only wear 800 lbs of gold, but also to rhyme the words "groan" and "born".
3. The background dancers get a little carried away at 1:18 and decide to become solo artists.
4. The 80s really were the worst fashion decade ever.

So, if you're lucky enough to have a mother, treat her right. If you ARE a mother, treat yourself right as well.

I pity the fool who don't.

Subaru Heaven???

2009-04-29T13:10:00.000-04:00

Ok, I will freely admit it. I like commercials. I am one of those sad sacks that makes an event out of watching the Super Bowl ads and, yes... I even go online the next day to read about the best and the worst out there.

I love funny ones, poignant ones, innovative ones - you name it...I am a sucker. BUT, there is one caveat that I do have and I'll hold on to it with everything in my being. In order for me to like a commercial...It has to MAKE SENSE!!!

There is one commercial out there right now that chaps my hide because it comes very close to being great, but it falls painfully short. Yes, I am talking about the Subaru Heaven commercial.

Let me get this straight. My kids come home telling me all about my carbon footprint after visiting a landfill and then turn on the tv to see a guy who probably works at Apple (they either drive Volkswagons or Subarus, right) just leave his old car out in a meadow? HWAH?????

I can just imagine some of the conversations taking place as bitter divorcees try and explain this commercial to their children...

Daughter: Mom, what is he doing? Why is he just leaving it there?

Mother: Apparently, he loves it and he wants it to be with...other broken down Subarus.

Daughter: But he can't just leave it there! Think of how much you could recycle from just the metal on that thing. Plus, didn't he just say that he didn't need a tow even after two days of driving? If he loves it so much and it still runs fine, then why is he leaving it?

Mother: I guess he got a little tired of it. Men sometimes get tired of something they've had for awhile, even if that thing has been very good to then. Suddenly, he wants to upgrade to a newer model. He doesn't want anyone else to benefit from what she still has to offer, so he takes her to an abandoned field and leaves her there with all of the other old broads feeling used and helpless. Then he puts his arm around his new girlfriend and drives away into the sunset while someone else is left to clean up the mess he leaves behind in his wake.

Daughter: Oh. Are we still talking about the Subaru?

Of Dentistry and Drama Queens

2009-04-21T19:16:00.000-04:00

Not much has been happening in the Runkel household these past few days. The kids are back at school and Hal and I are slowly but surely digging our way out of a mound of email. We have yet to break down and buy the new washing machine that we know we need. Yes, you heard me right. I am blatantly taunting the laundry gods by knowingly using a machine with a cracked tub. I laugh in the face of the Maytag Man, and I am fully aware that somehow this will catch up to me and it won't be pretty.

All in all, it's been pretty quiet. Well, all except for Sunday's baseball game when Brandon caught a grounder with his face. He popped right up, but his lip decided to stay embedded in his braces. Yes folks, if you're keeping score, that's metal 1...lip 0. Thankfully, an elder in our church is an orthodontist and was kind enough to meet Hal and Brandon halfway between our house and his to perform a wee bit of roadside surgery. He's fine now. His lip is still roughly the size and color of a racquetball, but other than that, you can't tell that anything happened.

In the middle of this small issue, Hannah had an actual crisis. I'm talking an end all be all smack down crisis. What, you're wondering, could it be? A lost friendship? The traumatic start of her journey into womanhood? No, my friends, it was much worse than any of that...

She finished reading the last of the Twilight books.

I, for one, was glad to see this come to pass. Maybe now she would stop asking to visit Forks, Washington for summer vacation. Perhaps now she would stop telling us how vampires really act - how beautiful and intelligent they are. Again, friends, this was not meant to be. For instead of moving on to another tween dream series...she started reading the first one all over again this morning.

Oh, to be 12 again....or not.

Top 10 Things Parents of Teens Want...

2009-04-18T15:32:00.000-04:00

Hal just took a survey in his ScreamFree Liftoff class. Here are the top 10 things that parents who have teens really want...

1. ...some level of respect from my teen.
2. ...to exercise some self restraint because I say too much.
3. ...to motivate my teen more in school work.
4. ....have my teen accept responsibility for his actions.
5. ...for me to stop “losing it”.
6. ...to be able to communicate better with my teen.
7. ...to get rid of his attitude (ornery, disrespectful, aloof, entitled).
8. ...to find the right balance of friend/relationship/discipline.
9. ...to figure out effective and appropriate consequences to address behavior.
10. ... did I mention respect?

I'll keep you posted on what Hal says about these issues in coming blogs. Let me know if you've got a concern that wasn't on this list.

Between the Hours of 8-5

2009-04-17T20:46:00.000-04:00

Why do repairmen even bother telling you that they will be at your house between the hours of 8-5? Why don't they just say, "You'll wait for me all day and the one time that you absolutely have to leave home to pick up your kids from school, I will pause by the front of your house and then speed away while calling and leaving a nasty message saying that you weren't home and you'll have to reschedule."?

I'm just sayin' - it seems to happen that way.

Thankfully, my husband was able to come home early and meet Mr. Fix It in my stead. Yes, my adoring, fantabulous, brilliant man (who I just found out actually reads this blog and was none too happy with the crack about his handyman skills)saved the day yet again.

Alas, my greatest fears were realized. I DID have to pay a guy $70 to come out and tell me that I need a new washing machine. Not only is the tub cracked, but the transmission is broken. When he opened up the belly of the beast and showed me the issues, I nodded like I understood what he was pointing to. In fact, all I could see was the crud that had accumulated under the machine. There were corn kernels, melted chapstick tubes, something that resembled grey jello, and (gulp) mouse turds.

It might not be totally rational, but I believe with all of my heart that those freakin' rodents somehow ruined my washing machine. It wasn't enough to cause panic and wreak havoc whilst they lived here. No. They had to sabotage my machine to top it all off. They're probably sitting around a big hunk of cheese having a good laugh about it right about now.

Do It Yourself - Or Not

2009-04-13T21:48:00.001-04:00

We came back yesterday from a week in Houston and today began the journey back to normal. School was back in session (thank you sweet Zeus)and I had ample time to work on the old taxes and start on mount st. laundry.

After wading through a waist high - I am totally not even kidding - mound of smelly, dirty vacation clothes, I started load 1 of what I hoped would be many. Alas, twas not meant to be. After five minutes of bubbly bliss, I noticed a steady stream of water seeping out from under the machine. How could this be??? How could she let me down when I needed her most?

I tried to pretend that nothing was happening - stuffing a towel under her in the vain hopes that she was joking. But she was not to be denied. She mocked my "band aid" and spat out more water.

I have been married long enough to know that fixing appliances is not something that my husband was wired to do. Nevermind the fact that his father was an air conditioning repairman and a mechanic in the air force. That gene just didn't make it down the pipeline. I gave up the fantasy long ago of the sexy "do it yourself" type of guy. My guy is more the - give me the phone and I'll call a guy - type of guy...which is fine by me. Except that money is tight and I hate to pay someone to come in, repair one hose, and charge me $100.

So, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I did what any college educated, liberated woman would do..I turned to YouTube. I wish that I could tell you that I figured out how to fix my washing machine for the price of a movie ticket. But that would be a big fat lie. I did find out how to open up the machine so that it is rendered totally useless and disable several important looking wires. I also found this, which made the whole ordeal worth it. Apparently, THIS is what women really want out of a washing machine.

I Deserve that Pool

2009-04-07T17:05:00.000-04:00

Ok, so yesterday, my sister in law's house was filled with relatives. One of them happened to be the cutest 4 year old I have ever seen outside my own chromosomal likenesses.

Her name is Anna Claire and this was our conversation as we looked out at the beautiful pool in the backyard:

AC: I deserve that pool.

Me: Really? You deserve it, huh?

AC: Yep.... What does "deserve" mean?

Me: Well, you deserve something if you've been worthy of it.

AC: Oh. What does "worthy" mean?

Me: Um, It means that something is valuable or precious.

AC: Ahhh. What does "valuable" mean?

Me: (sigh) Ok. Let's think about this. You have a dog that you love very much, right?

AC: Oh, yes...

Me: Ok. That dog is valuable to you. That dog is worthy of your love and affection.

AC: (loooong pause) (looks again at pool)(nods head convincingly) YUP. I definitely deserve that pool.

Holding My Breath

2009-04-06T09:48:00.000-04:00

The kids and I are in Houston this week for Spring Break (family is here, in case you're wondering). Hal is soon to join us and just called me with a vital task to undertake.

I am on point to purchase U2 tickets at 10:00 EST. Hal has always been the purchaser of tickets, so he just gave me a crash course in ticketmaster protocol. T minus 9 minutes and counting. I am sweating with nervousness because of all the events in the past 5 years, this is the one that he most wants to attend. Wish me luck...

From Russia with Love

2009-04-03T07:50:00.000-04:00

In these two weeks here, I have learned a few things about Russian culture:

The Russian people…

1. …are deathly afraid of drafts.
Apparently, there is no greater sin in Russia than opening a window and allowing fresh air to come into a room. They believe with total sincerity that drafts cause illness. For this reason, they keep their homes roughly the temperature of hell and refuse to sit on the floor or go barefoot for fear of getting sick. You can share eating utensils all day long and cough directly into your hands, but God forbid you should crack a window to relieve yourself from the oppressive heat emanating from the radiators that never stop pumping out blazing hot air.

2. …really like paperwork.
We must have filled out the “required forms” for our lost luggage about 5 different times. At one point, I made the egregious error of crossing out one word and replacing it with another. When I turned this form in to the customs official, her eyes narrowed and she wouldn’t even touch it. She pushed it back to me with her pen and said with total disdain and in broken English, “Lady. Fill out again. No mistakes. Do right this time.”

3. ….do not believe in keeping their dogs quiet.
During our stay at the retreat center, there were no less than 40 dogs barking 24/7 in the Siberian countryside. Maybe they were trying to keep warm – who knows. All I can tell you is that I have never hated a living creature more than that first night when I was trying to fall asleep. I am not talking about an occasional bark or even a chorus you might hear in the middle of the night. I am talking full on crazy kennel barking. Constantly.

4. …have an incredibly tall and beautiful female population.
When we got off the plane in Moscow and began making our way through the terminal, I thought that maybe we’d accidently landed on the set of a James Bond flick. I kept expecting a young Sean Connery to come around the corner, lighter in hand, for the cigarettes of the high heeled leggy beauties peppering the terminal. In America, I am fairly taller and thinner than the average woman. In Russia, I am a troll.

5. …are just as interested as we are in having great relationships.
For all the differences I noticed, one thing is certain: There are far more similarities. After a few short hours there, I was able to see that we all really want the same things. Peaceful homes. Happy families. Good friendships.

Coming Home!

2009-04-02T09:46:00.000-04:00

We are on the last leg of our trip home and words cannot express how glad we are of that fact. The trip was amazing and I don’t regret a single minute of it, but boy is it nice to be on American soil again. The sheer fact that I can read the street signs and recognize the things that I eat is enough to make me kiss the ground.

We actually saw our luggage for a brief moment yesterday. After being held up in customs for 10 days, we were able to rescue it from the clutches of the Russian government with only minor complications. We walked into the “left luggage” office in Moscow yesterday – and stifling the urge to ask where the republican’s luggage was sent, we set about filling out the necessary paperwork.

Ahhhh.....luggage.....glorious luggage....

It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

2009-03-26T23:22:00.000-04:00

The weather here is rather nice today. There is still plenty of snow on the ground, but it is around 38 degrees and getting warmer by the minute. Sonia says not to get to comfortable, though. It is scheduled to snow Monday. Apparently, the weather can turn on a dime here and it often snows well into June. Have I mentioned how much I love Atlanta?

Today is the last day that I can use a computer until Monday, so if you don't hear from me, there is no need to panic. We will be in the outskirts of Barnaul at a retreat center for the ScreamFree seminar. We have met some incredible people here already and will soon meet about 150 more. I think my favorite person thus far is a ginormous ex pro footballer named Arkasha who could crush me with two of his fingers. He is the most gentle person I have ever met.

I also had to break some difficult news to Hal this morning: I am quite smitten with a new man. His name is Zachar. He has flaming red hair and the most amazing dimples. We played games late into the evening and the way that he looks at me melts my heart. If I had my suitcase (which I still don't BTW) I would stuff him into it and bring him home. He'd fit, because he is barely two years old.

Gotta run - off to the Aeroflot office to try and shake down a Russian airline worker or two and track down our bags.

Day FIVE Sans Suitcase

2009-03-26T13:21:00.000-04:00

The saga continues. No luggage and no straight answers from the authorities. We had to fax all of our passport and visa information to the airport only to be told that we now need a Russian authority to do it for us. I am not holding my breath on that to happen.

We leave tomorrow morning for the retreat center and I'm just thankful that the outfit I wore on the plane is one that I like.

We spent today doing some sightseeing around Barnaul. Everywhere you turn is a different statue of Lenin. I'd show you some pictures, but my USB cord is packed safely in my luggage. The snow is all melting and you have to be really careful where you walk. If you get too close to the street, you get splashed with black slush. If you get too close to the buildings, huge drops of metling snow falls on your head. Now I know why Russians wear those big fur hats.

The women here are very stylish and rock the leather boots with stilletto heels. Most of them are tall anyway, so I feel very short and a bit on the dumpy side. It doesn't help that I'm wearing baggy lounge pants that are crispy from the accumulation of crud they've seen since Sunday.

The past two nights have been spent training the leaders of the seminar. Hal is learning how to work with his translator, Ivan. We quickly found out that most things translate very well over here, with a few minor exceptions. All of Hal's stories and/or jokes about eating out or eating too much are met with strange looks. The average Russian does not eat out EVER and walks everywhere. The flat where we stay is four flights up (no elevator) and no one has a car. Everyone we've met is slim and trim. Did I mention that I feel dumpy?

Well, time to hit the hay. Big day ahead of us. First stop, the Barnaul airport to fill out more paperwork in the hopes of again seeing my makeup and clothes.

Shivering in Siberia

2009-03-25T06:34:00.001-04:00

We've managed to find some internet access here in Siberia, so I thought I'd give a quick update as to what's going on. Hal and I arrived yesterday morning after being en route 27 hours. Our Atl plane had mechanical problems and we had to be re routed to Paris instead of NY. Apparently, our luggage decided to go on to the Big Apple without us and is now enjoying a matinee of Cats.

We don't know when it will return. So, Hal and I have been in the same clothes since Sunday and are without our winter coats, hats, and boots. That's alright, because it is warm here. Almost 30 degrees.

The people are great and the food is fantastic. I probably won't fit into my jeans whenever they do get here.

Das Vadanya,

jenny

So long, farewell...

2009-03-21T10:03:00.001-04:00

Well, folks - Here it is. The day before we leave for Siberia. A trip that brings a literal irony to the title of this blog. I thought I was ready until this morning when I realized...

I have to pack for 10 days in one small suitcase for -5 weather and 4+ days spent on a plane all the while having maybe 2 days' worth of internet access. Bottom line???

Totally NOT ready.

Thank God the moms are here to save the day. Marmie, Sally and Mimi are my heroes, making orthodontist appointments and homework happen in my absence. I know all will be well, but I anticipate missing the heck out of my kids and vice versa.

Hal and I are taking a video camera to document the whole thing and I plan on writing blog posts daily so that you can be with us on our journey. Don't know when I'll be able to post....but that's another issue. Should be fun. Will be cold. Wish us luck.

*For those of you who don't know, Hal and I are off to conduct a 4 day seminar in Barnaul, Siberia for a group interested in ScreamFree. We'll be talking to parents, teens, grandparents, church and community leaders, professors of psychology, and college students on all things concerning relationships. Should be fun!

Ahhh.. Now it all makes sense.

2009-03-18T12:28:00.000-04:00

So THIS is why my flip video is always running out of batteries...

Cup of What???

2009-03-18T09:08:00.000-04:00

I saw this GIGANTIC mug at the store yesterday and came really close to buying it. My life certainly could use a huge dose of calm right about now.

Hal and I are packing for our trip to Siberia. My toes are already cold thinking about this adventure. The HIGH will be in the low 20s - and for a girl raised in the South, this is not anywhere near normal.

So, like I said, I almost bought the mug. But then I thought for a moment. If I drank a mug filled with this much coffee (um...tea drinkers don't bother telling me that I can drink tea - because it is simply not happening) I would be the exact opposite of calm. I would, instead, be flying around my house, bumping into things with a severe case of the shakes....which pretty much describes me every day. So, instead of buying the mug, I bought a snicker's bar.

Grandpas for Sale

2009-03-17T10:46:00.000-04:00

The next time you've had just about enough of your father in law (or your own father), drive him down to the Grandpa Store for a trade in.

Today's special:

72 year old chain smoker who will occasionally yell obscenities at your children for no apparent reason.

Suddenly my dad (and his Karaoke habit) doesn't seem quite so bad.

Are fathers shirking their responsibilities to their families?

2009-03-16T09:21:00.000-04:00

I ran across this article today and thought that it was interesting. Sometimes, as women, we drive ourselves crazy by talking ourselves into being angry with our husbands when taking a deep breath and a closer look would do.

Check out what Glenn Sacks and Robert Franklin from FathersandFamilies.org have to say in response to Parenting's new "Mad At Dad survey" which found that an alarming number of moms are extremely unhappy with their male counterparts. Sacks and Franklin question the legitimacy of the survey and point out what they call a more factual one....

"Are fathers shirking their responsibilities to their families? A 2002 University of Michigan Institute for Social Research survey found that women do 11 more hours of work in the home per week than men, but men work at their jobs 14 hours per week more than women. According to the BLS, men’s total time at leisure, sleeping, doing personal care activities, or socializing is a statistically meaningless 1% higher than women’s. When work both outside the home and inside the home are properly considered, it is clear that men do at least as much as women.

Most moms have no reason to be mad at dads, and there’s no evidence that they are. Unfortunately, such a finding doesn’t play to the mainstream media’s anti-family “woman good/man bad” drumbeat. It also doesn’t make for catchy headlines."

This column first appeared on World Net Daily (3/6/09).

Glenn Sacks, MA is the Executive Director of Fathers & Families. His columns have appeared in dozens of the largest newspapers in the United States. http://glennsacks.com/
Robert Franklin, Esq. serves on the organization’s Board. Their website is http://www.FathersandFamiles.org/

I'm curious as to what you guys think. You can reply here, on twitter, our FB group, or our community forum.

Sometimes, You've Just Got to Lighten Up

2009-02-06T12:29:00.000-05:00

I love William Shatner. He and Alec Baldwin are the two people on this earth who could literally read a chinese take out menu and have me in stiches. The thing that's great about them both is their uncanny ability to make fun of themselves. But they weren't always this way.

Shatner, in particular, used to take himself seriously. VERY seriously. So much so that he became a caricature of himself. If you haven't seen his 1978 "performance" of Elton John's Rocketman, you are in for a treat. Now, you can challenge me on the fact that his "interpretation" of the song was tongue in cheek - that he wasn't serious - but I will go to my grave saying otherwise. Just see :20 and 2:09.

Too many times in my parenting life, I ,like Shatner, have taken myself far too seriously. I have allowed small things to irritate me and big things to go unsaid because of pride. The older I get, the more I'm able to relax a little and see myself "from outer space" - from a different perspective, as it were.

The truth is, my kids don't need me to be so uptight and serious. In fact, they need me to be less so. Before you "yes, but" my point, let me be clear. I'm not talking about relaxing my rules or loosening the structure in my home. I'm talking about HOW I maintain those things. More often than not, a small dose of humor can go a lot further than a big dose of Rocketman with my kids. It allows me to stay connected to them even when they break a rule or get under my skin. It allows me to realize that they are not the only ones who can make mistakes or get annoying. And keeping my sense of humor allows me to be along side with them as I teach them right from wrong.

The Sauce that Binds

2009-02-05T11:45:00.000-05:00

So, Hannah is now 12 and is officially hormonal. There are moments in the day when she is kind and sweet and there are other moments when she is .... um ..... not. I wanted to spend some time alone with her, so I pried her off of the computer and took her to Costco with me.

Ok, I'll admit, it's a lame mother daughter outing. But we can't all do mani/pedi's on a weekly basis, this would have to do. She was in a pissy mood to begin with, but I wasn't going to let that deter me from being with her. So, with our list out and gi-normous shopping cart in hand, we ventured into the chasm of Costco.

I am always amazed at what one can find at these kinds of stores. Pork loins the size of Volkswagons and barrels of caramel corn that you could hide a small child inside lurk around every corner. I had hoped that some of this might snap Hannah out of her huff and back into her old pleasant self, but nothing seemed to be working. I had just about given up when we turned the corner.

We were snipping at each other over something small, despite my best efforts at remaining ScreamFree. I wasn't paying very much attention to where I was going and our cart was veering to the right ever so slightly as I pushed it. Suddenly, our cart slammed into a disply at the end of our aisle. It made an enormous crash and the whole, huge stack of boxes started to sway. It happened in slow motion and as we sat back in anticipation of a crash, we both simultaneously noticed what we had hit.

It was a 10 foot tall stack of boxes plastered with this guy's face on it. Thankfully, the tower of teriyaki did not tumble, but we got plenty of looks anyway as we both fell to the floor laughing.
The ice between us was broken by our friend Mr. Yoshida and to commemorate the event, I bought a gallon of marinade. Now, whenever something small (i.e. hormonal meltdowns) gets in the way of us having fun, I just might whip up a batch of stir fry and lighten up a bit.

Mark My Words...

2009-01-30T07:59:00.000-05:00

....Ugs are this generation's parachute pants. I have to give my husband credit for this one. He said it last night as my 12 year old daughter walked away from us with a flip of her hair.

I'm pretty sure he's right. About 75% of the junior high girls at Hannah's school wear these modern day moon boots and they pay a small fortune for them. If you're not familiar with them, they look a bit like what Ringo Starr wore in Caveman. (oh, and yes, that is Dennis Quaid wrestling a dinosaur).

I'm placing a bet with Hannah that in 10 years, she will regret ever owning a pair - in fact, I'm taking lots of pictures so that at her wedding, I have plenty of ammo for embarrassment. I'm hoping that she takes the bet - that way, I can pay back my father for betting me that the bell bottoms of the 70s would ever come back in style. For the last time, dad, my jeans are boot cut - NOT bell bottoms.

What did I do all day?

2009-01-29T21:49:00.000-05:00

So, today was a very, very busy day. I worked pretty much non stop at my computer from 7:30 when the kids left for school until 5:00 when I picked them up from their activities. Aside from a couple of eating breaks and more than a few glances at my Facebook friends, I really wore out my computer.

The sad thing? I really couldn't tell you what I accomplished. Don't get me wrong. I worked. I just didn't finish any of my work. No - it's even more than that. The kind of work I'm doing now just isn't finish-able. It is more like fire fighting than anything I've ever done and it drives me crazy.

Hear me loud and clear - I don't miss grading papers, but I do miss finishing a teaching unit and then putting it away. I miss the clean slate feeling at the end of a novel. Now, it's phone calls and rounds of edits. It's the messiness of the venture that is so hard to handle.

Working outside of the ivy laden walls of the school is a double edged sword, that's for sure. I love my freedom and I love the possibilities. But I also hate those things too. They are heavier than I ever imagined and my road has more forks than it does paths.

I suppose that I'm learning how very difficult life is - period. Yes, teaching was an exhausting profession that wore me out. But so is this. I'm guessing that there is no easy path - there are just paths. And the only option is to keep on moving foward.

Calling All Aggies...and Nazis

2009-01-25T22:09:00.000-05:00

Ok, so Hal calls me in to the living room this evening to show me something "very important". By the tone of his voice, you'd have thought that he just discovered a long lost relative or the cure to the common cold - which would come in handy since Brandon has a horrible one right now.

So, I drop what I'm doing and rush in, only to find him snickering at this video. At first, I didn't understand what it was and I couldn't figure out why Hal was laughing so hard. I mean, the sight of Adolph Hitler and his top advisors doesn't usually qualify as HIGH-LARIOUS, but once I got the idea, I couldn't help myself.

You have to be a follower of college football to understand, so if you aren't, I apologize. You can now officially delete me off of your favorite blog list and tell all of your friends how strange I am. But if you are - and especially if you are from the Big 12, enjoy...

Chain Gang

2009-01-22T20:35:00.000-05:00

I recently got an email from a relative who will remain nameless. I can pretty much guarantee you that he didn't read all the way to the end and I commend him for his intent. BUT... it was a powerpoint email depicting several statues of Jesus. It mentioned his grace and his mercy. It showed him dying on the cross and raising from the dead to bring us all closer to God.

All well and good. Until the end. I kid you not, after all of these glorious pictures and heartwarming messages, it says this:

If you believe in God,
send this to your whole buddy list.
If you don't, then just ignore it.
And remember the words of Jesus who said,
"If you deny me before man, I will deny you before my father."

You must send this to 8 people. In 8 minutes you will receive something you have long awaited.

Wha??????? So, you're telling me that God loves me unconditionally UNLESS I don't send this to 8 people? Then I'm going to rot in hell? Somehow, I don't think Jesus was envisioning cyber chain letters when he uttered those words long ago. And just out of curiosity....why 8 people? What if I only have 7 friends? What if one of the email addresses bounces? What then?

I have an idea. Let's do a little experiment, shall we - just to mess with those people who send around these ridiculous emails. Let's start an anti chain letter chain letter. It can warn people about the dangers of chain letters and caution them against sending them. Then, at the end of it, we'll tell them that if they don't send this anti chain letter chain letter to at least 11 people in 11 minutes, then their eyeballs will spontaneously combust.

Business Time

2009-01-20T18:32:00.000-05:00

Well, folks, we officially have a new President in office and I, for one, am glad to have all of the posturing and campaigning in our rearview mirror. Today, as Barack Obama took his oath of office (or at least tried to as Chief Justice Roberts gets a little tongue tied), I felt a surge of pride in our country and hope in our new leader. And I felt, like I'm hoping he did, that it's now business time.

And then, out of the blue, my moment of political clarity and acumen left me and I found myself snickering at the memory of another "business time". If you haven't seen this, you must. It has nothing at all to do with politics or world affairs. It is a short video by the Conchords, a New Zealand band who have created quite a cult following through the years.

I'll let this particular video speak for itself, but I do want to call your attention to three key parts that I hope don't resonate with you and your partner:

1. brushing teeth

2. teambuilding exercise shirt

3. business socks

Enjoy - Business Time

Is our attention span really this shor...?

2009-01-18T14:25:00.001-05:00

I have long believed that we are a nation destined to entertain ourselves to death. I guess maybe that notion comes from teaching Aldous Huxley's Brave New World one too many times. But, deep down, I was hoping that both Huxley and I would be proven wrong.

Well, my trip to the local gas station confirmed my suspicions. Apparently, our attention spans are so short that we cannot go three minutes without the shiny box telling us what to think and what to buy. Hey, I'm as guilty as the next person. I love me a good American Idol episode - (and between me and you, I'm personally very excited to see Bikini Girl go down in flames during Hollywood week) - but this has gone too far.

Do we really need a television at the FREAKING GAS STATION??? What's next, one in the bathroom stalls so that you can catch up on the latest news while you...catch up on the latest news? Oh wait...there is one there. http://freakonomics.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/12/03/if-your-income-goes-up-will-you-watch-tv-in-the-bathroom/

Oh, Brave New World that has such people in it.

So....Come Here Often?

2009-01-16T17:31:00.000-05:00

Yep. That's right. I last posted here in August. Since then, I've been "wookin pa nub" in all the wrong places. Things have been more than a little crazy as I have taken a second job at the kids' school and taken over the position of Hal's assistant at ScreamFree.

Let's just say that I'll be glad when we can find someone else to do that dirty job. Mmmmm....Dirty Jobs......Have you ever seen that show? If you haven't, you must and if you have, you know what I'm saying when I tell you that Mike Rowe can come over and clean my pipes any time. Sewage pipes, people! Come on... Get your minds out of the gutter.

Don't get me wrong. I love my husband. I even love working with him - most of the time. He's witty, charming, engaging, and one hell of a snappy dresser. But there's just something utterly unsexy about having to preside over his schedule. It kind of takes the mystery away from the relationship - like the first time you see each other poop. So, I decided to take back the helm of this modest blog - if, for no other reason, to do something totally not related to him.

A girl needs her own life, you know. So, here I am, ready to entertain, ignite, console, and cajole all of you out there. I am searching for a new blog name because frankly, this one sucks. So, if anyone out there somehow accidentally stumbles on this because you were looking up sewage pipes on Google, send me an idea or two. I'm listening.