Chain Gang

I recently got an email from a relative who will remain nameless. I can pretty much guarantee you that he didn't read all the way to the end and I commend him for his intent. BUT... it was a powerpoint email depicting several statues of Jesus. It mentioned his grace and his mercy. It showed him dying on the cross and raising from the dead to bring us all closer to God.

All well and good. Until the end. I kid you not, after all of these glorious pictures and heartwarming messages, it says this:

If you believe in God,
send this to your whole buddy list.
If you don't, then just ignore it.
And remember the words of Jesus who said,
"If you deny me before man, I will deny you before my father."

You must send this to 8 people. In 8 minutes you will receive something you have long awaited.

Wha??????? So, you're telling me that God loves me unconditionally UNLESS I don't send this to 8 people? Then I'm going to rot in hell? Somehow, I don't think Jesus was envisioning cyber chain letters when he uttered those words long ago. And just out of curiosity....why 8 people? What if I only have 7 friends? What if one of the email addresses bounces? What then?

I have an idea. Let's do a little experiment, shall we - just to mess with those people who send around these ridiculous emails. Let's start an anti chain letter chain letter. It can warn people about the dangers of chain letters and caution them against sending them. Then, at the end of it, we'll tell them that if they don't send this anti chain letter chain letter to at least 11 people in 11 minutes, then their eyeballs will spontaneously combust.

Business Time

Well, folks, we officially have a new President in office and I, for one, am glad to have all of the posturing and campaigning in our rearview mirror. Today, as Barack Obama took his oath of office (or at least tried to as Chief Justice Roberts gets a little tongue tied), I felt a surge of pride in our country and hope in our new leader. And I felt, like I'm hoping he did, that it's now business time.

And then, out of the blue, my moment of political clarity and acumen left me and I found myself snickering at the memory of another "business time". If you haven't seen this, you must. It has nothing at all to do with politics or world affairs. It is a short video by the Conchords, a New Zealand band who have created quite a cult following through the years.

I'll let this particular video speak for itself, but I do want to call your attention to three key parts that I hope don't resonate with you and your partner:

1. brushing teeth

2. teambuilding exercise shirt

3. business socks

Enjoy - Business Time

Is our attention span really this shor...?

I have long believed that we are a nation destined to entertain ourselves to death. I guess maybe that notion comes from teaching Aldous Huxley's Brave New World one too many times. But, deep down, I was hoping that both Huxley and I would be proven wrong.

Well, my trip to the local gas station confirmed my suspicions. Apparently, our attention spans are so short that we cannot go three minutes without the shiny box telling us what to think and what to buy. Hey, I'm as guilty as the next person. I love me a good American Idol episode - (and between me and you, I'm personally very excited to see Bikini Girl go down in flames during Hollywood week) - but this has gone too far.

Do we really need a television at the FREAKING GAS STATION??? What's next, one in the bathroom stalls so that you can catch up on the latest news while you...catch up on the latest news? Oh wait...there is one there. http://freakonomics.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/12/03/if-your-income-goes-up-will-you-watch-tv-in-the-bathroom/

Oh, Brave New World that has such people in it.

So....Come Here Often?

Yep. That's right. I last posted here in August. Since then, I've been "wookin pa nub" in all the wrong places. Things have been more than a little crazy as I have taken a second job at the kids' school and taken over the position of Hal's assistant at ScreamFree.

Let's just say that I'll be glad when we can find someone else to do that dirty job. Mmmmm....Dirty Jobs......Have you ever seen that show? If you haven't, you must and if you have, you know what I'm saying when I tell you that Mike Rowe can come over and clean my pipes any time. Sewage pipes, people! Come on... Get your minds out of the gutter.

Don't get me wrong. I love my husband. I even love working with him - most of the time. He's witty, charming, engaging, and one hell of a snappy dresser. But there's just something utterly unsexy about having to preside over his schedule. It kind of takes the mystery away from the relationship - like the first time you see each other poop. So, I decided to take back the helm of this modest blog - if, for no other reason, to do something totally not related to him.

A girl needs her own life, you know. So, here I am, ready to entertain, ignite, console, and cajole all of you out there. I am searching for a new blog name because frankly, this one sucks. So, if anyone out there somehow accidentally stumbles on this because you were looking up sewage pipes on Google, send me an idea or two. I'm listening.

Freedom!!!!

School started this week and I can't tell you how glad we ALL are. It goes without saying that I am psyched. I've been marking down the days since the first "I'm bored!!!" of the summer holidays. But I was quite surprised by how ready my kids were to go back to school.

I was always that kid who anticipated school starting like it was the second coming of Christmas. I had to supress it until college, but it was there under the surface just bubbling under my "I'm too cool" attitude.

Well, my kids have followed in my nerdy footsteps! I am so proud...I think. Hannah could not have been more excited to start 6th grade and even after a close encounter with tears before school due to a stubborn locker, she is off to a fantastic start. It has been so fun to watch her social life start to open up as she experiences new freedoms and new friends.

Brandon isn't quite so openly excited, but if you look closely, you'll see his inner nerd as well. He is fueled by the fact that his teacher is the prettiest one in the whole school who he has been secretly hoping to have all summer long. Yea - she's sickeningly gorgeous - to give you an idea..the dads give each other high fives when they find out their kids have her as a teacher.

Anyway, the Runkel clan is off to a good start. I've been MIA from posting for a while after our month long trip to the West. I guess it took me a little longer than I thought to get back to normal - whatever that is.

I'm back now, and I leave you with this little jewel - just for kicks...you might have seen this, but it makes me laugh every stinkin time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OBlgSz8sSM

Back in the Saddle

Ok, ok, I've been officially back from vacation since Monday morning (4:30 AM to be exact) - I just couldn't bring myself to really start writing again. I had good intentions, I promise, I just couldn't decide on which story to start out with.

Do I tell my loyal readers about the Baja jeep adventure where we literally did see the most beautiful place on the earth (and where Jenny ate it on a coral reef thereby exposing the fact that she's not so very graceful after all)?

Or do I tell them about getting unknowingly snookered into a 90 minute timeshare presentation at Sammy Hagar's beachside villa?

Or should I mention the guy at our own resort who insisted on strutting his "stuff" in nothing but an electric blue speedo and a matching Nacho Libre Mexican wrestling mask?

Hmmm...so many choices. I think I'll have to sleep on it. Suffice it to say, we're back and we had a great time.

Hasta Luego, mis amigos.

Rice a Roni....(just try and not finish the jingle - I dare you)

Let me just say...for the record...San Francisco is one of the coolest towns I've ever been to. Literally.
We just spent four days there (in JULY you might note) and never once did I take off my sweater. In fact, I came this close to buying one of those $9.99 fleece jackets they sell on the street to stupid tourists like me but my pride held me back. I became one of those annoying people who no matter how cold it is and no matter how blue their lips are, won't admit that they are chilly.
As a team, ScreamFree worked at and attended the Smart Marriages Conference. It was four days of learning and networking - a great chance to see and be seen. I loved it, but I am warning everyone around me - I don't want to hear the words "needs" "intimacy" "connection" or "communication" for at least a month. I just don't think I can take any more cardigan talk (see "therapist jargon").
We got to meet some of the biggest names in the industry like Pat Love who wrote Hot Monogamy (yes, her name really is Love and yes, she sees the connection) and Gary Chapman author of The Five Languages of Love. You wouldn't recognize them on the street - or even in a bookstore - but at this conference, they were like rock stars. Seriously - everywhere they went, a buzz followed and swarms of grinning cardigans fell all over themselves to shake their hands.
I only stepped on one old lady to meet Pat Love. Oh, get over it - she was fine - her cane broke her fall.
This week, Hal and I are on vacation - a real honest to goodness vacation without kids OR LAPTOPS!!!!!! We are celebrating 15 years of marriage and we have three rules this week. We are not allowed to talk about:
1. ScreamFree
2. Our Kids
3. ScreamFree
Pray for us - there might be a whole lot of silence that first day. :)