Tip of the Day: Too Much of a Good Thing

Kids will have you believe that they don’t enjoy structure. They will tell you – just as soon as they are able – that they want to sit around and play all day without having to do anything. Don’t believe them, for they know not what they say. As George Bernard Shaw said, "A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell."

Kids (and parents) thrive on structure. Every now and again, a day off in pajamas is a fun treat. But taken too often, this treat will make everyone sick to their stomachs. Kids like to feel a sense of accomplishment every bit as much as adults. Give them chores, set aside time for study, set limits on tv and computer usage. Sure, they’ll gripe at first, but remember – what kids say they want and what they really need are often two very different things.

Tip of the Day: What You CAN Do

Do you ever get paralyzed by the “big picture”? You know, the one that you really cannot control? I know that I do. And when I do, I ignore the smaller things in my day to day habits that I actually can control. Ironically, it’s the smaller things that usually lead to big results.

Tip of the Day: Let's Get Ready to Rumble

While in a fast food restaurant, a friend of mine saw a tyrannical preschooler running away from his mother and knocking food off of other people’s tables. As he screeched past her, she glimpsed his tshirt. It read: “Center of the Universe – and I know it.” 

Tip of the Day: Power Play

"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment."

Marcus Aurelius Antonius (121 AD - 180 AD)

Often it’s the meanings that we attach to events or conversations that cause us the most pain. Think about it: Someone else’s child gets engrossed in conversation and forgets to pick up their plate after dinner. You playfully remind them to do so. What happens when your child does the same thing? Suddenly it MEANS something. They don’t respect you. They are lazy. You haven’t done a proper job in getting them to take responsibility around the house.

If you can extract yourself from this kind of thinking, you can free yourself up to look for the good in your child rather than squint for the bad. You actually give yourself the choice as to whether or not to take something personally. That's why taking just a moment – in the heat of the moment – gives you tremendous power.

Tip of the Day: Choose to Choose

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose."

Dr. Seuss

Too many times in life, when we are faced with a difficult situation, we tend to think in extremes. We either shut down or we blow up. While this is definitely understandable, it is ultimately weak.

We are much more powerful than that and the people we love deserve better from us. When you are pushed, you have the choice as to how to act. When you are slighted, you have the choice as to how to respond. It’s not easy, but it is better. So, give yourself a chance to choose by pushing the pause button next time instead of simply reacting.

Tip of the Day: How to Be Really Rich

"The greatest good you can do for another is not just share your riches, but to reveal to him his own."

Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881) British Prime Minister

When we teach our children right from wrong, we are sharing the riches of our wisdom. That kind of teaching should be a vital priority for all parents. But it shouldn’t be the only priority. As parents, we should be looking for the unique qualities that our children seem to exhibit and we should be encouraging those as much as possible.

I think that many parents feel as if “looking for the good” in our children means ignoring the bad things they may do. Quite the contrary. Those things need to be addressed, but they don’t need to dominate your interactions with your child. Spend more time helping them find their own riches and watch them soak up yours as well.

Tip of the Day: The Letter After Z

The ScreamFree Tip of the Day:

"My alphabet starts with this letter called ‘yuzz’. It's the letter I use to spell yuzz-a-ma-tuzz. You'll be sort of surprised what there is to be found once you go beyond 'Z' and start poking around!"

- Dr. Seuss (1904-1991)

We live in a culture of instant answers and immediate gratification. Have a question about something? Just jump online and find an expert. Ask your Facebook friends. Tweet your followers. You’ll find many “solutions” to common issues you may be having with your kids.

But the best solutions will come from within you: a place that takes time to develop and it takes patience to mature. So, don’t get frustrated when we won’t tell you exactly what to do in a specific circumstance. The more ScreamFree you become, the more outside the box you are willing to look. Being creative takes work, but the payoff is tremendous. It keeps you from being lazy and taking your relationship with your kids for granted.

Tip of the Day: Your Window of Opportunity

"I was cesarean born. You can't really tell. Although whenever I leave a house, I go out through a window."

Steven Wright, U.S. comedian (1955- )

We are interesting creatures, are we not? We do strange things and if we look closely enough at our past, we can probably gain some insight as to why we do those things. But if we spend too much time trying to figure out the past, we’re missing the whole point. After all, explanations and excuses are two different things.

If you find yourself in a pattern that you don’t like with your spouse or your children, it’s fine to spend some time trying asking yourself why it’s happening. But a better question might be: Is it helpful?

If the answer is no, then take steps to change the pattern. You are in control of you, no matter what happened in your past. Period. Sure, change won’t come easy, but good things never come cheap.